Sunday, May 28, 2006
Tantrums Over Bagels?
Bridget, 33 from NY asks...
My 5 1/2 year old son has begun throwing tantrums again. He's not over tired, he's not hungry when they occur. It seems to be a control issue. As an example, this morning we dealt with breakfast, my children don't usually have sugar cereal so this morning was a treat. He decided he would rather have a bagel. So I gave him a bagel instead. As I prepared the bagel for him he decided he would rather have the cereal - his statement "I just can't make up my mind" so hesitantly I gave him the cereal and decided to eat the bagel myself. As I finished the bagel he decided he would dump the cereal in the sink and the yelling that started a few minutes ago escalated to screaming as he informed me that he wanted the bagel. He's now in his room until he and I both calm down enough that I can talk with him. I'm overwhelmed and not sure if this is just a phase or if this is a problem. In either case I'm not sure how to handle it and need any advice you can give.
Stacy Says...
Congrats for having the mind to send him to his room until you BOTH cool off! In the midst of anger is NEVER the right time for punishment. I think you're right, this is a control issue. He's at a stage where he wants to do things himself, but is still dependent on you--making him very frustrated.
Give him choices. A or B. And that's it. Offer your help, if he wants it. If he starts the tantrum, tell him he already made his choice and made it clear to you. If it esclates into a shouting match --back to his room he goes until he's calm and you can talk to him. When he makes a decision and doesn't mutate into a screaming hooligan, PRAISE HIM!! Kids love it when you tell them how good they are or how well they did. Just be patient, more than likely, this is just a stage. And when he sees it doesn't phase you, it'll seem a lot less interesting.
My 5 1/2 year old son has begun throwing tantrums again. He's not over tired, he's not hungry when they occur. It seems to be a control issue. As an example, this morning we dealt with breakfast, my children don't usually have sugar cereal so this morning was a treat. He decided he would rather have a bagel. So I gave him a bagel instead. As I prepared the bagel for him he decided he would rather have the cereal - his statement "I just can't make up my mind" so hesitantly I gave him the cereal and decided to eat the bagel myself. As I finished the bagel he decided he would dump the cereal in the sink and the yelling that started a few minutes ago escalated to screaming as he informed me that he wanted the bagel. He's now in his room until he and I both calm down enough that I can talk with him. I'm overwhelmed and not sure if this is just a phase or if this is a problem. In either case I'm not sure how to handle it and need any advice you can give.
Stacy Says...
Congrats for having the mind to send him to his room until you BOTH cool off! In the midst of anger is NEVER the right time for punishment. I think you're right, this is a control issue. He's at a stage where he wants to do things himself, but is still dependent on you--making him very frustrated.
Give him choices. A or B. And that's it. Offer your help, if he wants it. If he starts the tantrum, tell him he already made his choice and made it clear to you. If it esclates into a shouting match --back to his room he goes until he's calm and you can talk to him. When he makes a decision and doesn't mutate into a screaming hooligan, PRAISE HIM!! Kids love it when you tell them how good they are or how well they did. Just be patient, more than likely, this is just a stage. And when he sees it doesn't phase you, it'll seem a lot less interesting.
