Sara, 41
California
Asks:

This is my update, today is Monday and HE NEVER CALLED. Unbelievable, I did not have a good weekend and could not believe why a person would behave this way. I am puzzled and confused. What kind of a person is he? Does he want me to chase him? It is so disrespectful not call and even cancel.

One thing I did not mention to you, my girlfriend knows about this person. She asked me for the phone# to use his spa service. She called the spa, pretended to be someone else and asked for an advice about a situation (mine). My girlfriend’s rationale behind this behavior was that she wanted to help me and get his attention to call me.

Now I do not know what to do, but his behavior turned me off. I am not sure if I should continue to use the service there or not. A male friend told me to call him on Saturday, which I did not, I do not think that I should. Now what? I am thinking to pay him back for the service that he did not charge me for. I feel so rejected, that was my first time to ask a man out!!!!

Lee's Thoughts:

Tell your girlfriend to BUTT OUT. What she did was stupid, immature and WON'T help.

Do NOT pay him for the spa services that he gave you for free and do NOT stop going to the spa.

WE DO NOT CARE "what kind of person" he is. We do not care if he "wants you to chase him" (cause you won't). Yes, he was disrespectful, so WHO CARES? Maybe he is chickenshit. Maybe his grandmother had a stroke this weekend. Maybe his vocal cords collapsed and he couldn't call. OH FRICKEN WELL. Now is the time to move on.

Keep going to the spa if you want to and just be cool. Tell your friends to stop calling him like you're all in grade school. BE AN ADULT. It sucks, but now you know! I'm glad you didn't call him on Saturday. Now, just go about your business. Live your life. Make yourself happy and forget about him unless he calls and begs for your forgiveness and takes you out to the best restaurant in town and pays for IT ALL.

Right now, he sucks. It sounded like he was in to you, but life is tricky sometimes. That's life. You have to move through these hurt feelings with class and act like it doesn't bother you. If he approaches you at the spa, just BE NICE and POLITE. Don't throw a fit, don't whine at him. Say hello and be polite. IF he brings up the weekend, "Yo, what happened to our date you fine thing?" then YOU SAY, "Since I didn't hear from you, I made other plans." If he says, "I'm sorry I didn't call, blahblah-excuse-blah." Just smile and say, "Yeah, that's too bad."

I'm sorry this was your first experience asking a guy out, but was it really THAT BAD? You stuck your neck out there. That took guts. It took courage. You showed what your insides are really made of and NOW, you can show what a classy lady you are by handling his shitty behavior with APLOMB.

I know this wasn't fun, but all of this helps you create the person you want to be. You don't want to be a person that can't take chances. You don't want to be a person who crumbles in the presence of assholes. You don't want to be a person who cries and mopes around all day wondering what he was thinking. You want to be nice. You want to make a mental note of his behavior and move on to a man who would KILL to be by your side and who would call before and after your date to make sure you had a good time. You want someone who deserves and wants to be with you...and you won't find him if you don't take some chances.

No worries...and good luck.