Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Long Distance Wooing
Michael, 21
North Dakota
Asks:
I had been going out with this girl for three years. We broke up a year ago and she then went abroad. Recently, she messaged me after a year. We have started talking over the phone about twice a week. She is going out with another guy, but tells me that she still has feelings for me! I've missed her for the last year and I want to be back with her. I just don't know how to make her come back. She will go abroad for studies after four months. Can you help me out and tell me what can I say to her that will make her come back and explain it to her that I can manage long distance relationships. The guy she is going out with doesn't know we talk over the phone. Is she trying to come back or something? Can you please help me out?? Thanx.
Lee's Thoughts:
I'm not sure what the timeframe is here. Will she move back permanently after she finishes school? How long will that be? How serious is she about this guy? If I were you, I'd just continue to let her know how much you care about her. You don't have to get too romantic. A nice, "I really missed you this past year" would do wonders, or... "I can't wait to see you again." Just be honest. Essentially, talk to her from your heart and I promise she will hear it.
Also, with a long-distance relationship, don't forget about *snail-mail*. A nice card or a small well-thought gift will also subtly let her know that you are thinking of her and your feelings are deeper then "just friends".
After you try this for a while, you'll have to mention the boyfriend. You will have to let her know how crappy it makes you feel to know that he gets to be close to her. Maybe say something like, "That JoeBob sure is a lucky guy. He better be treating you right because I know some guys would kill for the chance to be sweet to you."
Basically, just be nice. Be honest. Express your feelings and ask her questions. Find out what her long-term goals are and if you have any place in them.
Eventually, you will have to tell her straight out that you want to only be with her and you want to be her only one. You will have to tell her that you want to end up with her and spend time with her in the same country at some point. Having a goal and an end-result in mind is the key to surviving a long-distance relationship.
Good Luck!
North Dakota
Asks:
I had been going out with this girl for three years. We broke up a year ago and she then went abroad. Recently, she messaged me after a year. We have started talking over the phone about twice a week. She is going out with another guy, but tells me that she still has feelings for me! I've missed her for the last year and I want to be back with her. I just don't know how to make her come back. She will go abroad for studies after four months. Can you help me out and tell me what can I say to her that will make her come back and explain it to her that I can manage long distance relationships. The guy she is going out with doesn't know we talk over the phone. Is she trying to come back or something? Can you please help me out?? Thanx.
Lee's Thoughts:
I'm not sure what the timeframe is here. Will she move back permanently after she finishes school? How long will that be? How serious is she about this guy? If I were you, I'd just continue to let her know how much you care about her. You don't have to get too romantic. A nice, "I really missed you this past year" would do wonders, or... "I can't wait to see you again." Just be honest. Essentially, talk to her from your heart and I promise she will hear it.
Also, with a long-distance relationship, don't forget about *snail-mail*. A nice card or a small well-thought gift will also subtly let her know that you are thinking of her and your feelings are deeper then "just friends".
After you try this for a while, you'll have to mention the boyfriend. You will have to let her know how crappy it makes you feel to know that he gets to be close to her. Maybe say something like, "That JoeBob sure is a lucky guy. He better be treating you right because I know some guys would kill for the chance to be sweet to you."
Basically, just be nice. Be honest. Express your feelings and ask her questions. Find out what her long-term goals are and if you have any place in them.
Eventually, you will have to tell her straight out that you want to only be with her and you want to be her only one. You will have to tell her that you want to end up with her and spend time with her in the same country at some point. Having a goal and an end-result in mind is the key to surviving a long-distance relationship.
Good Luck!
