Sherani, 24
Durban
Asks:

I think I'm obsessed with my boyfriend. What must I do?

Lee's Thoughts:

I'd like to have more information, but based on the *nada* you gave me, I would say that if you think you are, you probably are. Also, if you are labeling it as "obsessed", it doesn't sound like its a mutual relationship. If you both are obsessing over each other, its wonderful. If one obsesses and one is obsessed...its painful. You probably know this.

Assuming this relationship is salvageable, you need to change your focus. Obviously you want to be a nice, sweet girlfriend, but if you are feeling obsessive, you just have to re-establish your own priorities. Remember what was important to you before he came around, start putting some energy towards that...knitting a scarf for your grandma (easier than you think), training for a marathon, reading classing american novels...whatever. You used to be inspired by things other than him, remember them.

You may be giving him too much attention because you are looking for some sort of validation from him. Remember that no one can give that to you, but you. Try directing your energy towards things that impress YOU. Remember what makes you proud to be you and DO IT.

When you work on creating your own life, you will also loosen your grip on him. Obviously or subconsciously, you both will be the happier for it. He will slip into a stronger, more stable role that is more comfortable for both of you.

Your life will soon be enhanced by his presence, not defined by it. He will accent your activities, not encompass them.