Monday, May 01, 2006
Falling Out of Love
Kaylania, 16
N. Ireland
Asks:
I've been seeing my boyfriend for over a year now, and I love him so much. But he seems to believe that we will always be together. I will never cheat on him and he will never cheat on me. But I know that people fall in and out of love sometimes. If this happens, what should I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
Knowing you will never cheat on someone is NOT the same as knowing (having faith that) you will always be together. I was totally in this situation when I was your age. Great boyfriend, but he seemed to think that this was it. He was in love and we'd be together forever. Instead of a nice, warm, safe feeling of love, I sort of had this feeling of *yikes, I'm only sixteen and this guy is trying to put a ring on my finger...* Soon, it became clear that my feelings were nowhere near as deep as his.
I think it is very rare to find your life/soulmate at sixteen. In those rare cases, people that end up getting married have usually broken up for a time to date other people in order to truly realize they were meant to be together. You said, "I love him so much, but.." "I know he will never cheat, but..." You seem to be EXPECTING to fall out of love with this person. You must remember that true and lasting love does not have any buts.
Honestly, I have a feeling that you may be sensing the end of this relationship. It's difficult because he is so great and gives you no reason to NOT want to be with him. I think if you reflect on it, you will see that you simply do not have the passion for him that it takes for a long and lasting relationship.
In answer to your question, if anyone "falls out of love". The best way to handle it is with strength and class. Be straight forward with him. Tell him the truth, but gently. Make him know how much this time together has meant to you, but you are growing and changing and your feelings simply aren't the same. You must be strong when doing this. It won't be easy. Just don't play games. Be true to yourself first and foremost. He will appreciate your honesty.
N. Ireland
Asks:
I've been seeing my boyfriend for over a year now, and I love him so much. But he seems to believe that we will always be together. I will never cheat on him and he will never cheat on me. But I know that people fall in and out of love sometimes. If this happens, what should I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
Knowing you will never cheat on someone is NOT the same as knowing (having faith that) you will always be together. I was totally in this situation when I was your age. Great boyfriend, but he seemed to think that this was it. He was in love and we'd be together forever. Instead of a nice, warm, safe feeling of love, I sort of had this feeling of *yikes, I'm only sixteen and this guy is trying to put a ring on my finger...* Soon, it became clear that my feelings were nowhere near as deep as his.
I think it is very rare to find your life/soulmate at sixteen. In those rare cases, people that end up getting married have usually broken up for a time to date other people in order to truly realize they were meant to be together. You said, "I love him so much, but.." "I know he will never cheat, but..." You seem to be EXPECTING to fall out of love with this person. You must remember that true and lasting love does not have any buts.
Honestly, I have a feeling that you may be sensing the end of this relationship. It's difficult because he is so great and gives you no reason to NOT want to be with him. I think if you reflect on it, you will see that you simply do not have the passion for him that it takes for a long and lasting relationship.
In answer to your question, if anyone "falls out of love". The best way to handle it is with strength and class. Be straight forward with him. Tell him the truth, but gently. Make him know how much this time together has meant to you, but you are growing and changing and your feelings simply aren't the same. You must be strong when doing this. It won't be easy. Just don't play games. Be true to yourself first and foremost. He will appreciate your honesty.
