Maria, 33, from Atlanta asks:

I was with my boyfriend for 12 years and cheated on him with a guy from work I had strong feelings for. Turned out the feeling was very mutual. We had a whirlwind affair, then his girlfriend of 5 years found out. I confessed to my boyfriend and then I moved out of my house but the guy from work still lived wit his ex for financial reasons. We dated for about 3 months and he said many things about loving me and wanting to be with me and us getting a place together. I was not ready to rush into that, which upset him, but I let him know how strong my feelings were, regardless. Then he got distant, said he was confused and then I felt things weren't really over with his ex. I dumped every memento of our time together with a pretty explanatory note about how I still felt but did not know what to do on his car, pretty much saying goodbye. Now I feel horrible for not giving him the chance to speak, though I'd asked him to clarify what was going on and he was silent. I really tried to get it out of him, giving him opportunity to say he'd rather be with her. Anyhow I feel broken hearted still. Was it all for nothing? Should I call him? Or was I right for feeling foolish and just let it go. A lot was sacrificed and I know many of his feelings for me were genuine. Sorry if this is too long...

VictorM's advice:

I don't think he's the one that needs to do the talking; you are the one that has plenty to explain. Mainly, why after a "whirlwind affair", moving out of your house, dating for 3 months, you then felt you weren't ready for him? Then you dumped mementos and rushed into a quick goodbye. This is no way to show feelings for anyone. Frankly, I'm confused by your decisions and if I were in his shoes I'd have serious doubts about a future with you. I'm sure that's how he feels.

You should call him only if you have a good explanation for your behavior and a good idea of what you want next between you two and why. If these things aren't clear to you, don't call him.