Jessica, 24 from South Africa asks:
Our baby is due in December and I want that week my husband has off alone and I do not want visitors because I want my husband and I to bond as a family and because I have heard that if the baby is handled too much its little body hurts. My husband thinks that I am being selfish, maybe I am because I have decided to become a Stay at Home Mom and I want him to see that bringing up a child at home doesn't mean that I get to watch soaps and lie around on the sofa all day. Am I being selfish?

Stacy Says:
You know what, Jessica. I think you are being selfish. First of all, I have never heard that handling a newborn hurts it. Of course, you have to be gentle, but I don't think holding a baby hurts it. Besides, they love to be touched and held, it creates security and bonding.

Second...no visitors?! What about grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, cousins, friends? As a mom, it's your turn to make the decisions...but as a WIFE, you have to consider your husband's feelings as well. If he wants his parents to come over or his sister, he should be allowed to do so. It's his child, too. But set a limit. Tell your family no drop-by visits, don't come before noon, call before you come or even reserve the right to cancel at anytime. Parenthood is a whole new experience, one that cannot be prepared for even with the best of classes, books and advice. And you'll discover what works and what doesn't. But to clearly make a decision so soon into the pregnancy I think is impossible. I do think you should allow at least some vistors (especially close relatives and friends) to see the baby.

And last, I'm worried that you feel you have to PROVE to your husband that you're not going to lie around and watch soap operas. Is he saying this? Is this what he thinks? Because if this is what he thinks, you're in for a rocky road. If YOU feel guilty for staying home, you need to deal with that. Having one parent stay at home takes compromise and understanding from BOTH parents. Right now, my husband is the stay-at-home parent and I go to work. I have to understand that watching our daughter is a full-time job and apreciate everything he does for her and me and he understands how hard it is for me to go to work and how much I miss her. It takes constant communication of feeelings and asking for help from both of us.

As far as laying on the couch...dream on! Granted, once you get used to a newborns routine, you actually do have a little extra time, more than you do once they get a little older. They pretty much wake up, eat, play for a few minutes and then go right back to sleep--but I always took a nap myself since I was exhausted from those 3am feedings. But you and your husband will soon see that being a stay-at-home mom or dad is MUCH MORE work than you think. Your husband will see in the first week he takes off work what it takes from BOTH parents to raise a child. But if you're due in December--RELAX!!! Concentrate on creating the baby right now, deal with visitors later!