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Friday, April 28, 2006
Why'd ya break up
suesun, 36, from Georgia asks:
I am recently divorced after ten years. It's pretty complicated and it was painful. Dating again I am wondering how to answer the question "Why'd ya break up?" Is it better to just keep it short and simple than to do a blow by blow of the last years of a relationship?
VictorM's advice:
Do NOT answer that question.
First, it's virtually impossible to put into words all the events and emotions that lead to a breakup. Second, it's emotionally quite taxing to talk about it unless you're ready to. Third, I says something negative about a guy who asks that question... it strikes me as too intrusive, too nosy, too judgmental. Fourth, it's really none of anyone else's business until you elect to make it so. At some point, you may feel like talking about it, but it should happen on your own terms, when you're ready.
So what to answer, short of walking out on such guy? How about what you told me: "It's pretty complicated and it was painful" and add, "I'd rather not talk about it." If he gets turned off, good for you -- you've found a way to identify a guy who lacks manners and sensitivity.
Besides, anyone too bent on the past more than on the future is likely to make a poor mate.
I am recently divorced after ten years. It's pretty complicated and it was painful. Dating again I am wondering how to answer the question "Why'd ya break up?" Is it better to just keep it short and simple than to do a blow by blow of the last years of a relationship?
VictorM's advice:
Do NOT answer that question.
First, it's virtually impossible to put into words all the events and emotions that lead to a breakup. Second, it's emotionally quite taxing to talk about it unless you're ready to. Third, I says something negative about a guy who asks that question... it strikes me as too intrusive, too nosy, too judgmental. Fourth, it's really none of anyone else's business until you elect to make it so. At some point, you may feel like talking about it, but it should happen on your own terms, when you're ready.
So what to answer, short of walking out on such guy? How about what you told me: "It's pretty complicated and it was painful" and add, "I'd rather not talk about it." If he gets turned off, good for you -- you've found a way to identify a guy who lacks manners and sensitivity.
Besides, anyone too bent on the past more than on the future is likely to make a poor mate.
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