This was posted as a comment but sounded like a question to me...
I am grandmother to a 3-1/2 year old girl. She is beautiful, intelligent, loving and a delight except for frequent temper tantrums. My son finally obtained custody of her after fighting for her for 3 years. With the help of witnesses who came forward on his behalf, it was proven that the child was neglected and abused since she was 6 months old! FOC wanted to leave her with her mother!!!!!!! and the judge finally made the final decision. We have had custody of her since February 15th and things go fairly well except for frequent temper tantrums. There are days she is tantrum free and cooperative but most days it is a real challenge. Discipline is a time-out chair with her sitting for 3 minutes at a time. Her mother used to sit her in time out and leave her there all day. I don't believe in spanking her and talking civilling to her does not work. Help!!!!!

Stacy Says:
I think the real problem here is the fact that this little girl is going through a tremendous change and adjustment right now. She's going from a hurtful, scary environment (which is what she knows as normal) to a loving environment that to her is foreign. At this moment she needs to know she is loved and cared for in order to cope with this hard time. Honestly, I would ask her pediatrician to recommend a counselor or psychologist for her. She's acting out in the only way she knows how--by tantrums. And she obviously did not get proper discipline at home with her mother. Granted, 3 1/2 year olds don't have the same mental capacity as adults, but she knows enough to know the pain of being neglected and abused. She's reacting similar to how a teenageer might start rebelling by mouthing off to his/her parents. A professional might be able to understand why she's acting like this and what might be the most appropriate way to approach the tantrums.

While I am a firm believer in spankings, I don't think they would be appropriate for her after just leaving an abusive environment. Plus the fact you don't believe in them--never do/say/follow something YOU don't believe in. I would seek the help of a professional to plan out a proper discipline for her that shows her you love her and care for her but still doesn't allow her to run wild. She CRAVES your love and also your discipline. Kids need to know their boundaries and be held accountable to them. This has to be incredibly confusing and difficult for her and I would imagine lots of adults seeking counseling during this time--she deserves the same! God Bless!