Brenda, 29, from Vermont asks:

My fiancé is a caring, smart, cute, all around great guy. I'm very lucky to have him. The thing is, I am having some trouble thinking in terms of "us" rather than me and him. I still figure out what I want to do, and if he wants to come, great. I think I've made him feel insecure about the relationship because when we're home together he follows me around or asks me why I'm running away when I leave the room to go to the bathroom, or into my study to work. How can I reassure him (even though he's right-- all this suffocating me is making me question the relationship)?

VictorM's advice:

Don't give up and don't give in! You have it right. Relationships between two people who are happy doing their own thing are better.

Don't worry too much about his insecurity. It's not altogether a bad thing because guys are too quick to get lazy in relationships they feel too secure in. But I understand your concern with the suffocating behavior. I suggest you make a point to kiss him, touch him, hug him, say you love him... anything like that before you step away. Don't make it too mushy or too long but do make a quick gesture that let's him know you haven't forgotten him.

Somehow, sometime, he needs to find out about the importance of having interests that don't always include you. Find him a book or some article that says that -- there are plenty. Encourage him to play golf, or bowling, or whatever, with his buddies.

If he could reach the same level of maturity that you've reached, and if you two can synchronize your "alone time" so that your time together is "quality time", you could have it made.

If he's the nice guy that you say he is, don't give up -- he's worth working on and with.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend