Tuesday, April 04, 2006
One is NOT the Loneliest Number
A great article by Lisa Ling:
When I was a child I had no doubt in my mind that by thirty I would have the "ideal American life" -- a wonderful husband, two kids, and a beautiful home complete with white picket fence. I'm thirty-two years old right now, am still single and quite frankly, the idea of getting married and having children is simply not even on my radar. I absolutely love what I do and the lifestyle I lead. I truly wish that as a young girl I could have known that I did not need to fantasize about the ideal husband and marriage - that as an adult it would be okay to lead the kind of life that I'm living right now.
As a kid you always have a vision of prince charming coming into your life, fulfilling your destiny and dreams -- some perfect guy who will sweep you off your feet, love you forever and take care of you until the end of time. Or as women of my generation can reminisce, we all waited with baited breath for someone like Jake from John Hughes's "Sixteen Candles" to kiss us over birthday cake and profess his undying love. And it doesn't have to be that way.
I used to idealize my friends' lives whose parents weren't divorced and seemed to have perfect and idyllic families. As an adult I began to discover, however, that oftentimes this was merely an illusion they maintained bolstered my own perceptions of the perfect nuclear family. Nothing is as perfect as it seems. Eventually I got to the point where I thought, "Why would I even try to have that life when that's not how I've grown up?" In retrospect, I am actually deeply grateful that I grew up in a totally non-traditional Asian family. It has enabled me to embrace the fact that it's okay to lead an unconventional life. At this point I feel, "Why should I start living a conventional life now?"
My advice to all young girls - it's okay to have different dreams, it's okay to be single. Like Jolivette Mecenas says in her meditations on being single, "One is Not the Loneliest Number..."
For those of you who do want to get married, I would say - marry your best friend. I want my partner to be my equal with whom I share a mutual respect and from whom I can learn. I want my partner to be someone who I know I can rely on to help me and who will want my support and help over the years. Your best friend will value your personality and love you for whom you are. After all, everything else fades away over time - the romance, the youthful good looks - we all get old and fat and wrinkly. At the end of the day, it is far more important to have a partner who respects and loves you for your mind.
Full article here.
When I was a child I had no doubt in my mind that by thirty I would have the "ideal American life" -- a wonderful husband, two kids, and a beautiful home complete with white picket fence. I'm thirty-two years old right now, am still single and quite frankly, the idea of getting married and having children is simply not even on my radar. I absolutely love what I do and the lifestyle I lead. I truly wish that as a young girl I could have known that I did not need to fantasize about the ideal husband and marriage - that as an adult it would be okay to lead the kind of life that I'm living right now.
As a kid you always have a vision of prince charming coming into your life, fulfilling your destiny and dreams -- some perfect guy who will sweep you off your feet, love you forever and take care of you until the end of time. Or as women of my generation can reminisce, we all waited with baited breath for someone like Jake from John Hughes's "Sixteen Candles" to kiss us over birthday cake and profess his undying love. And it doesn't have to be that way.
I used to idealize my friends' lives whose parents weren't divorced and seemed to have perfect and idyllic families. As an adult I began to discover, however, that oftentimes this was merely an illusion they maintained bolstered my own perceptions of the perfect nuclear family. Nothing is as perfect as it seems. Eventually I got to the point where I thought, "Why would I even try to have that life when that's not how I've grown up?" In retrospect, I am actually deeply grateful that I grew up in a totally non-traditional Asian family. It has enabled me to embrace the fact that it's okay to lead an unconventional life. At this point I feel, "Why should I start living a conventional life now?"
My advice to all young girls - it's okay to have different dreams, it's okay to be single. Like Jolivette Mecenas says in her meditations on being single, "One is Not the Loneliest Number..."
For those of you who do want to get married, I would say - marry your best friend. I want my partner to be my equal with whom I share a mutual respect and from whom I can learn. I want my partner to be someone who I know I can rely on to help me and who will want my support and help over the years. Your best friend will value your personality and love you for whom you are. After all, everything else fades away over time - the romance, the youthful good looks - we all get old and fat and wrinkly. At the end of the day, it is far more important to have a partner who respects and loves you for your mind.
Full article here.
