Anon, 24, from Doncaster asks:

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, and we've been living together for 3 years, he is the same age as me. The trouble is that I want to get married and start a family, and I'm not that sure that he does. To be honest I knew that he was the one for me from the very beginning and would have married him straight away if he asked! However he was reluctant to move in with me so early in our relationship, but the past three years have been great. We have talked about marriage, and he says that he wants to marry me but not yet. I have been trying to show him that I can be the perfect wife, cooking, cleaning attending to his every need etc...but he keeps putting off a proposal. First he said that he would propose once we have been together for a couple of years, the he said when I finish at Uni. Now I have finished a three year course and he says that he wants to wait until we have bought a house. I feel like he is the one for me, but as I am 25 this year I don't know how long he expects me to wait. I feel that I am going to have to decide if I am happy to just carry on like this - or if he really is stringing me along I should cut my losses. Do you think that he will ever propose? He wants to have kids and the whole happy family - but he keeps putting things off - and we're both not getting any younger. Mine and his friends are all engaged/married and have even started to ask him why he hasn't popped the question, my mum is even hinting if she will ever be a grandma. I just don't know what else to do. If I give him an ultimatum he will say that I can't love him that much to stick with him - and I don't want to lose him - just the opposite. Please help.

VictorM's advice:

Maybe he shouldn't have been promising to get married, but I don't see the big deal with waiting -- you're still so young. Having said that, are his actions common sense or cold feet? It's not unusual for guys to: 1) not be in a rush to wed even if they are happy; and 2) to want to have their finances in older to make sure they are good providers. So, what to do?

Focus on this: "the past three years have been great" and this: "I feel like he is the one for me." Do you know how many girls today can say that? Not many. While the delays could be indicative of a problem, he's still very young and his reluctance, from a guy's point of view, is justified. Please keep in mind that marriage is not as sacred to guys as it is to girls. Plus, he seems to be the cautious type, being reluctant to move in with you too soon. But where do you draw the line and give him that ultimatum? I wish I knew, but I don't know. At some point, you will have to. Maybe the "3 strikes and you're out" kinda thing.

The one thing I know is that you should tell you mom to stay out of this. Her selfishness isn't helping.

You may want to discuss the buying the house before marriage idea with a lawyer. There are a lot of legal issues with that picture. Being married first and then buying a house makes more sense to me because legally you're on solid ground as a married couple.