Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Before It's Too Late
Nadine, 16
Florida
Asks:
Hey, this guy that I know has a 50/50% chance of going back home. He's only staying here on visa. But we've become really close over the past month or so (going over to his house, hanging out, cinema, holding/touching each other, kissed each other-but not on lips or cheeks-because we are both shy etc.). Now I really like him a lot and all my mates says he's into me, but he just isn't asking me out, probably because he might be going back home. I haven't expressed my feelings to him, but I want to before its too late. I don't know how to go about doing it, because I'm scared if I tell him how I feel that he'll react funny and then not go home, but stay here.
Please help me thanks. :)
Lee's Thoughts:
You must must must tell him how you feel. I know I always say this, but think of the WORST case scenario. You pour your heart out and he says, "That's great, but I only like you as a friend." Right? He's not going to smack you in the face and tell you that you're a stupid bitch for saying that. If he's a good guy, he'll be very flattered that you care.
Another thing...It's the MATURE thing to do, to expose your feelings with courage. It means you're a WOMAN and not a scared little girl. This is a LIFE CHALLENGE. Will you be strong and gently put your feelings out there for him and the world for all to see? Will you be able to handle any and all potential responses it may evoke in him with class and dignity?
I know you are scared. I would be scared. We're all scared at one point or another when dealing with the opposite sex. But you can not and will not grow or mature if you keep yourself in a safe little cave and never risk anything.
Yes, he may go home. Yes, he may get freaked out and never speak to you again. But guess what? The only constant...the only dependable thing in this life is YOUYOUYOU. If he leaves, or if he gets down on his knees and starts crying because he's been waiting for a sign that you really care. YOU are the one you have to live with. YOU are the one that you should worry about impressing. YOU are the one that you should work every single day to make proud. If you want to do this, DO IT.
You don't need to get dressed up in a ball gown and present him with a dozen roses and your undying love. Keep it simple. In a quiet moment, just say, "You know, I've really enjoyed these last few weeks hanging out with you. Whatever happens with your move, I want you to know that you've made me really happy and I'll always remember this time together. I wish you didn't have to go." Just be sincere. You don't have to get all mushy. He'll understand the depth of your feelings (whatever that is) by the way you say it, not the exact words that you say.
YOU MUST DO THIS. You must do that which is uncomfortable to grow and gain strength and become a human being that you can be proud of. No matter WHAT his response is.
Good luck!!!
Florida
Asks:
Hey, this guy that I know has a 50/50% chance of going back home. He's only staying here on visa. But we've become really close over the past month or so (going over to his house, hanging out, cinema, holding/touching each other, kissed each other-but not on lips or cheeks-because we are both shy etc.). Now I really like him a lot and all my mates says he's into me, but he just isn't asking me out, probably because he might be going back home. I haven't expressed my feelings to him, but I want to before its too late. I don't know how to go about doing it, because I'm scared if I tell him how I feel that he'll react funny and then not go home, but stay here.
Please help me thanks. :)
Lee's Thoughts:
You must must must tell him how you feel. I know I always say this, but think of the WORST case scenario. You pour your heart out and he says, "That's great, but I only like you as a friend." Right? He's not going to smack you in the face and tell you that you're a stupid bitch for saying that. If he's a good guy, he'll be very flattered that you care.
Another thing...It's the MATURE thing to do, to expose your feelings with courage. It means you're a WOMAN and not a scared little girl. This is a LIFE CHALLENGE. Will you be strong and gently put your feelings out there for him and the world for all to see? Will you be able to handle any and all potential responses it may evoke in him with class and dignity?
I know you are scared. I would be scared. We're all scared at one point or another when dealing with the opposite sex. But you can not and will not grow or mature if you keep yourself in a safe little cave and never risk anything.
Yes, he may go home. Yes, he may get freaked out and never speak to you again. But guess what? The only constant...the only dependable thing in this life is YOUYOUYOU. If he leaves, or if he gets down on his knees and starts crying because he's been waiting for a sign that you really care. YOU are the one you have to live with. YOU are the one that you should worry about impressing. YOU are the one that you should work every single day to make proud. If you want to do this, DO IT.
You don't need to get dressed up in a ball gown and present him with a dozen roses and your undying love. Keep it simple. In a quiet moment, just say, "You know, I've really enjoyed these last few weeks hanging out with you. Whatever happens with your move, I want you to know that you've made me really happy and I'll always remember this time together. I wish you didn't have to go." Just be sincere. You don't have to get all mushy. He'll understand the depth of your feelings (whatever that is) by the way you say it, not the exact words that you say.
YOU MUST DO THIS. You must do that which is uncomfortable to grow and gain strength and become a human being that you can be proud of. No matter WHAT his response is.
Good luck!!!
Comments:
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Thanks for the advice I Will let him know how i feel and let you know what happens next, but i'm going to express my feelings in a letter instead.
A letter is good.
Can you have him read it while you're there?
Good LUCK!!
Come post when you're done!!
Can you have him read it while you're there?
Good LUCK!!
Come post when you're done!!
One question, if you've kissed each other but not on the lips or cheeks (since you're shy)--where ya kissin'?
he kissed me on the neck ^_^...the other day i wnt round to his house n we had a proper long snog n i was happy and gav him d letter, he kinda figured out wot it was about, n he knew this 'boy' that i was telin him i liked was him. so it didnt come as a big shock. but the fing i don't get is he says any boy wud b lucki to hav me as a gf and that i'm his bestest mate eva n if he goes bac he'll miss me loads. i fink he aint asked me out bcoz he told me he doesn't want me to wait for him or for him to hurt me more by goin back home. i totally understand but there mite be a chance of us being together if he doesn't return. i said to him wouldn't it be funny if in a few months you ended up stayin and we got together, he replied no it wudn't be funny, it wud be a happy occasion! ^_^. i think he does like me as everyone says so and i mean everyone, but he jus isn't ready to get into a relationship yet jus to b hurt again. he luved the letter sed it made him feel like tears come out of his heart, i sprayed it with my perfume and he jus loves smelling it as it reminds him of me, he's going to keep it and never throw it away.
I also don't understand why couldn't he jus tel me he neva felt the same if he figured out i liked him but then snogged me-me being his first snog, it wud have stopped me writing the letter and getin so deep and hurting so much. the good thing is that as he did have a feelin i liked him but didn't change towards me ie we don't have awkardness between us, i mean im seeing him sat to go his house then cinema. and i'm always round his house at least once a week. just thought i'd let you know.
what are your thoughts?
I also don't understand why couldn't he jus tel me he neva felt the same if he figured out i liked him but then snogged me-me being his first snog, it wud have stopped me writing the letter and getin so deep and hurting so much. the good thing is that as he did have a feelin i liked him but didn't change towards me ie we don't have awkardness between us, i mean im seeing him sat to go his house then cinema. and i'm always round his house at least once a week. just thought i'd let you know.
what are your thoughts?
Why, oh why is it so difficult to spell properly? Or to write out words like "and" or "would" or "think". (sssigh...)
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My advice...just have fun. Don't be so obsessed with *feeeeelings*, his, yours, or mine. Just have fun. Invite him out when you want to, snog him when you can and just chhhhillll.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
My advice...just have fun. Don't be so obsessed with *feeeeelings*, his, yours, or mine. Just have fun. Invite him out when you want to, snog him when you can and just chhhhillll.
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