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Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Temper, Temper, Temper Tantrum
Tamara, 38, from Maine asks:
I am an experienced Mom but I have a 1 year old that is completely out of control who makes me look like I've never parented before. He is extremely clingy to me at home and when my husband comes home he simply latches onto him. He will throw tantrums, the head banging, foot kicking thrashing across the floor kind. I have tried other things that have worked for me in the past to no avail. I've tried "ignoring" the tantrum. I would verbally discourage him from hurting himself and giving himself booboos, ouchies. but there on the floor he will still thrash. And when we are out in public. (Deep breath)-it is insane. I am at the point where I feel that I cannot take him anywhere anymore. The clincher is that I am now 7 months pregnant and I know that I have to have some progress with him before this one arrives because I feel I am going to be in serious trouble. Please help me.
Stacy Says:
Now, I need to put a warning on what I'm about to say. I won't be politically correct and will probably encite some angry people. BUT, I am a firm believer in spankings. Proverbs 13:24 says, He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. I am not saying to repeatedly spank your son, I'm not saying to spank him in the heat of the moment when you're about to lose it. There is a clear difference between physical abuse and discipline. A spanking when a child is throwing a tantrum is needed discipline, not abuse.
When your son is throwing his tantrum, you need to tell him to stop. Tell him NO! Then tell him if he doesn't stop, he's going to get a spanking. Then follow through with it! Obviously, a 1 year old does not need to be spanked hard, but be firm and authoritative with it! Afterwards, tell him you love him and give him a hug, that way he knows that just because you spanked him, that doesn't mean you don't love him. Be prepared for him to stomp off and want nothing to do with you. But do just as you were, giving him love and trying to hold him. You got a great instinct there! Discipline IS done out of love and it seems you love him very much. A correct spanking done for discipline is tougher on the parents than the child. I know my parents spanked me and you better believe I learned early that tantrums just didn't fly at my house. (And I haven't even needed a therapist to sort through the emotional issues =P )
If the tantrums are not easing up or this doesn't seen to help, call your health care practitioner. It could be possible there might be a behavior problem that your s/he might have other suggestions for. Let us know if any of this helps!
I am an experienced Mom but I have a 1 year old that is completely out of control who makes me look like I've never parented before. He is extremely clingy to me at home and when my husband comes home he simply latches onto him. He will throw tantrums, the head banging, foot kicking thrashing across the floor kind. I have tried other things that have worked for me in the past to no avail. I've tried "ignoring" the tantrum. I would verbally discourage him from hurting himself and giving himself booboos, ouchies. but there on the floor he will still thrash. And when we are out in public. (Deep breath)-it is insane. I am at the point where I feel that I cannot take him anywhere anymore. The clincher is that I am now 7 months pregnant and I know that I have to have some progress with him before this one arrives because I feel I am going to be in serious trouble. Please help me.
Stacy Says:
Now, I need to put a warning on what I'm about to say. I won't be politically correct and will probably encite some angry people. BUT, I am a firm believer in spankings. Proverbs 13:24 says, He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. I am not saying to repeatedly spank your son, I'm not saying to spank him in the heat of the moment when you're about to lose it. There is a clear difference between physical abuse and discipline. A spanking when a child is throwing a tantrum is needed discipline, not abuse.
When your son is throwing his tantrum, you need to tell him to stop. Tell him NO! Then tell him if he doesn't stop, he's going to get a spanking. Then follow through with it! Obviously, a 1 year old does not need to be spanked hard, but be firm and authoritative with it! Afterwards, tell him you love him and give him a hug, that way he knows that just because you spanked him, that doesn't mean you don't love him. Be prepared for him to stomp off and want nothing to do with you. But do just as you were, giving him love and trying to hold him. You got a great instinct there! Discipline IS done out of love and it seems you love him very much. A correct spanking done for discipline is tougher on the parents than the child. I know my parents spanked me and you better believe I learned early that tantrums just didn't fly at my house. (And I haven't even needed a therapist to sort through the emotional issues =P )
If the tantrums are not easing up or this doesn't seen to help, call your health care practitioner. It could be possible there might be a behavior problem that your s/he might have other suggestions for. Let us know if any of this helps!
Comments:
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I'm a big fan of spanking. Like Stacy said, you only really need one good swat to get his attention and show him who's boss.
You can do it!!
You can do it!!
I am grandmother to a 3-1/2 year old girl. She is beautiful, intelligent, loving and a delight except for frequent temper tantrums. My son finally obtained custody of her after fighting for her for 3 years. With the help of witnesses who came forward on his behalf, it was proven that the child was neglected and abused since she was 6 months old! FOC wanted to leave her with her mother!!!!!!! and the judge finally made the final decision. We have had custody of her since February 15th and things go fairly well except for frequent temper tantrums. There are days she is tantrum free and cooperative but most days it is a real challenge. Discipline is a time-out chair with her sitting for 3 minutes at a time. Her mother used to sit her in time out and leave her there all day. I don't believe in spanking her and talking civilling to her does not work. Help!!!!!
Have just visited your site for the first time and am disgusted by the advice on discipling a child who is having a tantrum. What gives anyone the right to spank a child its disgusting. Using violence to discipline only teaches the child that he/she can use violence to get what they want later on in life. I think that when you spank you've lost control not the child.
Disgusted? Please. Stop being so dramatic. Spanking a child does not teach them to use violence to get what they want. It teaches discipline. And I'm not saying a spanking consists of vigourously beating your child. Don't misinterpret. I got spanks when I was a child and have not needed a shrink for all the violent tendencies it gave me. (Except for the pesky habit I now have of beating my husband until he gives into me and I get to choose the restaurant for dinner--if only my parents hadn't spanked me!)
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