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Monday, March 13, 2006
She Hasn't Orgasmed for a While
Thomas, 23 from Sweden
Asks:
Can you try too hard? My girlfriend has gone off sex since we moved in. She hasn't orgasmed for a while and last time she did I think she faked it. She isn't adventurous in bed and it's becoming a problem.
Lee's Thoughts:
Sexual chemistry is an extremely important aspect of a relationship in my opinion. It is a delicate balance to achieve the frequency, diversity, intensity, fun content, and hotness content that both parties are comfortable with.
*Faking it* is a definite RED FLAG.
I have said before that hormonal birth control can dramatically decrease a women's libido. This may or may not be an issue for you. In any case, you are right, not orgasming is a problem. Maybe ask her to masturbate in front of you, so you can see exactly what gets her off. (fast, slow, clockwise, side-to-side, hard, soft, inside, outside...etc.)
Another sure fire way to find out what's going on is to (GASP) ASK HER. Hopefully your relationship is open and honest enough to talk about this kind of stuff. It's important on many different levels. Basically, I'm happy that you care enough to know that something needs to be changed.
This can only be fixed by they guy putting aside his macho ego and the girl being secure enough to SAY WHAT SHE WANTS.
As for "adventurous". Try to start slow. Don't pull out the sex swing just yet. First you have to make sure that she feels safe and comfortable doing the basics. Then, bring out a feather (very non-threatening) and have her close her eyes while you gently touch her with it along every inch of her body. This will establish trust. (Oh yeah, she gets to do the same to you.) Again, with her eyes closed, feed her different fruits, chocolates and other yummy things. These are baby steps that will show her that she can explore new sensations in a safe place with you.
Basically, go slow and make sure you tell her what is going on at every step. Soon, you'll be able to put on the rubber mask, break out the whip and things will start getting crazy. You never know, you may unleash her inner freak.
Good Luck!!
Asks:
Can you try too hard? My girlfriend has gone off sex since we moved in. She hasn't orgasmed for a while and last time she did I think she faked it. She isn't adventurous in bed and it's becoming a problem.
Lee's Thoughts:
Sexual chemistry is an extremely important aspect of a relationship in my opinion. It is a delicate balance to achieve the frequency, diversity, intensity, fun content, and hotness content that both parties are comfortable with.
*Faking it* is a definite RED FLAG.
I have said before that hormonal birth control can dramatically decrease a women's libido. This may or may not be an issue for you. In any case, you are right, not orgasming is a problem. Maybe ask her to masturbate in front of you, so you can see exactly what gets her off. (fast, slow, clockwise, side-to-side, hard, soft, inside, outside...etc.)
Another sure fire way to find out what's going on is to (GASP) ASK HER. Hopefully your relationship is open and honest enough to talk about this kind of stuff. It's important on many different levels. Basically, I'm happy that you care enough to know that something needs to be changed.
This can only be fixed by they guy putting aside his macho ego and the girl being secure enough to SAY WHAT SHE WANTS.
As for "adventurous". Try to start slow. Don't pull out the sex swing just yet. First you have to make sure that she feels safe and comfortable doing the basics. Then, bring out a feather (very non-threatening) and have her close her eyes while you gently touch her with it along every inch of her body. This will establish trust. (Oh yeah, she gets to do the same to you.) Again, with her eyes closed, feed her different fruits, chocolates and other yummy things. These are baby steps that will show her that she can explore new sensations in a safe place with you.
Basically, go slow and make sure you tell her what is going on at every step. Soon, you'll be able to put on the rubber mask, break out the whip and things will start getting crazy. You never know, you may unleash her inner freak.
Good Luck!!
