Monday, March 06, 2006
The Ninth Wheel
Faith, 18
California
Asks:
5 girls. 4 guys. All friends/best friends for years. 4 couples. 1 girl left out. Girl was fine till recently. Seems distant/ mad at the rest of us/ always has a reason to be mad at someone. Even when we try and do a girls night out or just people in general (not all couples complete) she always makes an excuse. Has recently started saying that she doesn't want to hang out with us at all. Advice for how to calm her down? Let her see we're still friends? Help her be happy for us and not be mad that we found people we can be with?
Lee's Thoughts:
You can only do so much to make a person feel comfortable. The girls nights out are a great idea. Girls are great at communicating with each other and having fun regardless if they are single, married, or dating. Something else to try would be asking her to do more things one-on-one, just you and her. Maybe the other girls in the group could try that as well. It would make her feel like she has a strong individual relationships with you and the others and she's not just a ninth wheel in the group.
You are eighteen and this is a very transitional age anyway. You all are not only exploring your relationships, but I'm sure pondering college, jobs, and your future. You are making huge decisions that will determine your life's course. This also includes the people you spend time with. This girl may just have outgrown you all or vice versa. Sometimes it happens. Like I said, you can only do so much to make people feel comfortable. The rest is up to her.
California
Asks:
5 girls. 4 guys. All friends/best friends for years. 4 couples. 1 girl left out. Girl was fine till recently. Seems distant/ mad at the rest of us/ always has a reason to be mad at someone. Even when we try and do a girls night out or just people in general (not all couples complete) she always makes an excuse. Has recently started saying that she doesn't want to hang out with us at all. Advice for how to calm her down? Let her see we're still friends? Help her be happy for us and not be mad that we found people we can be with?
Lee's Thoughts:
You can only do so much to make a person feel comfortable. The girls nights out are a great idea. Girls are great at communicating with each other and having fun regardless if they are single, married, or dating. Something else to try would be asking her to do more things one-on-one, just you and her. Maybe the other girls in the group could try that as well. It would make her feel like she has a strong individual relationships with you and the others and she's not just a ninth wheel in the group.
You are eighteen and this is a very transitional age anyway. You all are not only exploring your relationships, but I'm sure pondering college, jobs, and your future. You are making huge decisions that will determine your life's course. This also includes the people you spend time with. This girl may just have outgrown you all or vice versa. Sometimes it happens. Like I said, you can only do so much to make people feel comfortable. The rest is up to her.
