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Wednesday, March 01, 2006
He Won't Open Up
Mary, 22
Toronto
Asks:
I love my boyfriend very much and I want to marry him BUT he has a problem with communication and opening up his feelings to me. I don't know if I can live with a man who cannot communicate.
Lee's Thoughts:
My question for you...What else is there in a relationship BUT communication?? Maybe the sex is great. Maybe he makes a ton of money. Maybe his mom just LOVES you. But if he can't express his feelings (about you, money, family, life goals, stresses, work issues, emotional conflicts) then what kind of relationship do you really have? An imaginary one. If he doesn't TELL you what is inside of him, then you are CREATING what you would like to see inside of him. When he stays quiet, you are free to imagine whatever it is.
"He loves me sooo much, words can't describe."
"He's inwardly tortured. I shouldn't bother him to express himself."
"Words and feelings just aren't his thing."
This definitely falls under the category of "NEVER MARRY A MAN THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE" It never works. Either you will try to get him to express himself and he will resist, or he will stay this way forever and you will always be guessing about what he is feeling.
Doesn't sound like much fun to me.
Find a guy who will scream from the mountain tops how much he loves you. Find a guy who will talk with you all night about future plans. Find a guy who WANTs to share his insides with you. You deserve to have a wedding day and a marriage with no regrets.
Toronto
Asks:
I love my boyfriend very much and I want to marry him BUT he has a problem with communication and opening up his feelings to me. I don't know if I can live with a man who cannot communicate.
Lee's Thoughts:
My question for you...What else is there in a relationship BUT communication?? Maybe the sex is great. Maybe he makes a ton of money. Maybe his mom just LOVES you. But if he can't express his feelings (about you, money, family, life goals, stresses, work issues, emotional conflicts) then what kind of relationship do you really have? An imaginary one. If he doesn't TELL you what is inside of him, then you are CREATING what you would like to see inside of him. When he stays quiet, you are free to imagine whatever it is.
"He loves me sooo much, words can't describe."
"He's inwardly tortured. I shouldn't bother him to express himself."
"Words and feelings just aren't his thing."
This definitely falls under the category of "NEVER MARRY A MAN THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE" It never works. Either you will try to get him to express himself and he will resist, or he will stay this way forever and you will always be guessing about what he is feeling.
Doesn't sound like much fun to me.
Find a guy who will scream from the mountain tops how much he loves you. Find a guy who will talk with you all night about future plans. Find a guy who WANTs to share his insides with you. You deserve to have a wedding day and a marriage with no regrets.
