confused, 21, asks:

ok here my dilemma, I was dating someone for almost 3 years when suddenly he told me he wanted the infamous break, which eventually led out our break up in January. After that I completely cut him off. I changed my number, my screen name, and anything else I could think of. Last week I logged into my email and there was a smiley face from him. This week he spoke to one of my friends asking how I am. He told my friend that as much as he would love to be with me, there are things that I say or do that completely turn him off. One example he mentioned is that after he said he wanted the break, I just couldn't handle that and I said we should break up. My friend told him that if he really wanted to know how I was doing he should call and find it. He answered her that I probably don't even wanna hear from him because I stopped talking to him and cut off all contact. My question is what does this all mean? If he doesn't want to be with me why think about me and taunt me like this? It's not fair. Time has passed and the situation has changed. Just be a man and call or forget about me.

VictorM's answer:

This guy is like most guys -- he hates to be thought of as a bad guy. But let me tell you plainly: he doesn't want to get back together with you. That doesn't mean he hates you. He may even like you as a person. But what's driving him is that he hates to think someone out there thinks he's a bad guy.

He runs into your friend and he wants to come across to her as the good guy. So he tells her he still likes you (she is your friend, so it wouldn't be popular to trash you -- remember, he wants her to think nicely of him too), and he pinpoints some small defects about you to justify having broken up with you. But that's all nonsense; that's not why he's not with you. He's not with you and he won't call you because is he's not in love with you.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, breakup, boyfriend, girlfriend