LS, 18
Perth
Asks:

I got myself a boyfriend before I really wanted one because I didn't want to lose the guy. I don't know if we are working or not because this is my first boyfriend and I don't know what is good and what is bad. I've been losing my motivation in other areas of my life and I really just want to feel that my life is running like it should be again. What can I do?

Lee's Thoughts:

First and foremost, I don't believe for a second that you don't know what is good and what is bad. Yes, yes, yes you DO!! You know what feels good and you know what doesn't. You know what feels right and what doesn't (It doesn't matter if this is your first, or hundredth boyfriend). You need to trust yourself more. Trust your instincts. They are your primal internal voices that quietly push you towards what is right and keep you safe from what is wrong.

You can't blame your slacking in other areas of your life on this relationship. You chose this relationship and you are choosing your actions in those other areas. You are in CONTROL of it all. If this guy or relationship isn't making you happy and doesn't feel good, there is an obvious solution to that. A healthy, happy relationship makes you feel like the stars are aligned and your life is going beautifully. A boyfriend who is a true partner in life will make you look FORWARD to life's challenges and celebrations, because anything feels possible when you are together. Does this sound like you and your boyfriend?

I know there are times in life (especially during the gigantic transition age of 18) when everything feels scattered and struggling. Try making a list of the things that feel out of control, or things that you feel aren't running as smoothly as they should. In another column, make a list of things that you can do to improve them. Try thinking about yourself for a change, instead of making other people in your life happy. They will be happy if you're happy.

Good luck!!