Icelin, 16
Missouri
Asks:

I have this boyfriend and he's really great, kind of a punk. Anyway, he's been known to constantly play with girls heads and lead them on and stuff. But since I've hooked up with him he's been really great and I like him a lot. I'm just afraid of getting played. Can you give me some advice?

Lee's Thoughts:

Icelin. You sound like a smart girl. I think that it is obvious when a guy starts cheating on, lying to, or otherwise messing with the head of a girl, so I'm pretty sure you'll be able to see it if he does start playing games. The problem comes when most girls decide they don't want to see it. They make excuses for him because they are obsessed with making it work out and trying to have a happy ending. Especially since you are aware of his past, you'll be able to catch him in the act. He's not James Bond.

He obviously didn't care about any of those other girls. He was just being a teenage boy and doing what he wanted without any thought about them. He didn't care if they got mad. He didn't care if they broke up with him. However, if things are going as well as you say, maybe he actually likes you. Maybe you actually matter. This is the time of life when boys and girls are exploring themselves, each other, and relationships. It's a process of deciding what you want and need out of a partner and then trying to find the person that can give that to you. You're both young. He hasn't found what he's looking for yet, but maybe its you!

I think the best way to stop the games before they start is to talk to him about what he expects from you and your relationship. Ask him if he wants to be exclusive, or date other people. Ask him if he thinks he will EVER want to be exclusive. If he says, "Na...I like girls. I like dating a different one every week." then you know where you stand. By asking him questions, you are showing him that you really do care about him and what he wants. You are letting him know that talking honestly is a lot easier than sneaking around to get what he wants. You need to know his expectations and he needs to know yours if this relationship will be happy and productive at all.

Once you ask him, then you have to make sure he knows what your *non-negotiables* are. Let him know that you would rather he NOT go around kissing other girls. If that is something he wants to do, he can find a different girlfriend. Make sure he knows that lying is unacceptable to you. Tell him that things will be cool, as long as he is straight with you.

Also, I'm sure you have a huge posse of friends who can keep an eye on him. If he's hugging up on other girls, if he's not somewhere he said he'll be...like I said, you'll find out. If he doesn't care enough about you to stop the games, then he won't care if he gets caught and it will be easy.

Basically, yes you are taking a risk based on his past, but I think its worth it as long as you keep your eyes open.