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Thursday, March 23, 2006
4 year old out of control
Robyn, 36, from NC asks:
My son is four and loves to play head games already. I know this is normal for grown men they all do it but not little boys. For instance ...He may say Mom I want some water ..I go get it and he says no I want juice..so I turn around to get the juice and he says NO WATER...in a louder screaming voice...and it doesnt stop with just this ...it is tv channels...EVERYTHING...have I taught my son to do this and if so how can I stop this behavior...I get so irritated at him I just have to walk away and then he throws a tantrum please help.....
Stacy Says:
Looks like you got a smart kid on your hands. I don't know if he's playing "mind games". He's just seeing where the infamous line is. He's trying to see how far he can push you, and yes, you're encouraging it.
Next time he asks for water or juice say, "Ok. Mommy will help you. Let's go pour it together." This way he has to participate and it won't be as fun to watch you go back and forth back and forth. Also tell him he had to drink his first choice, be firm about it. Simply not giving in to his behavior shows him you won't put up with it. This goes for EVERY time he starts this behavior. Tell him no, tell him he can't play with a certain toy/remote, etc. Be consistent! Be prepared for a temper tantrum with screaming, kicking, etc. (See previous post for how to deal with that). You CANNOT give in to tantrums, it will just perpetuate the craziness. But in the long run, he'll understand he can't get away with messing with mommy.
My son is four and loves to play head games already. I know this is normal for grown men they all do it but not little boys. For instance ...He may say Mom I want some water ..I go get it and he says no I want juice..so I turn around to get the juice and he says NO WATER...in a louder screaming voice...and it doesnt stop with just this ...it is tv channels...EVERYTHING...have I taught my son to do this and if so how can I stop this behavior...I get so irritated at him I just have to walk away and then he throws a tantrum please help.....
Stacy Says:
Looks like you got a smart kid on your hands. I don't know if he's playing "mind games". He's just seeing where the infamous line is. He's trying to see how far he can push you, and yes, you're encouraging it.
Next time he asks for water or juice say, "Ok. Mommy will help you. Let's go pour it together." This way he has to participate and it won't be as fun to watch you go back and forth back and forth. Also tell him he had to drink his first choice, be firm about it. Simply not giving in to his behavior shows him you won't put up with it. This goes for EVERY time he starts this behavior. Tell him no, tell him he can't play with a certain toy/remote, etc. Be consistent! Be prepared for a temper tantrum with screaming, kicking, etc. (See previous post for how to deal with that). You CANNOT give in to tantrums, it will just perpetuate the craziness. But in the long run, he'll understand he can't get away with messing with mommy.
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I completely agree! This little bugger is trying to see how far he can push you. Also, 4 is a great age to start teaching the kids how to get their own stuff from the fridge, how to make their own breakfast, how to be independant. Mind you, you put a small container of milk on the bottom shelf of the fridge, and you use the small boxes of cereal so he doesn't spill a whole gallon of milk or a whole box of cereal on the floor, and you supervise him at first. Keep some kid safe bowls at a level he can reach. He'll feel like a big boy for being able to make his own breakfast. And you might buy yourself an extra half hour of sleep in the morning.
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