I received this question at the Ask A Real Guy blog, but felt it was more appropriate to answer it here.

marilyn, 50, from Texas asks:
How would I start to date again being this old?

There are a large number of men out there wondering where they can find 50 year old women. But not just any 50 year old woman. They are looking for women to make their lives more enjoyable. And this is where things get complicated.

As a 50-something myself, I can tell you what's the biggest turn-off about women your age: baggage. If on your first date you come across as bitter and unhappy, if you dress like you're going to a funeral, if you remind a guy of his mother, forget it. So, before you go out there, adjust your attitude, brighten up you wardrobe, and smile. Do something that makes you feel like a new person. I don't know, change your hairstyle, for example.

You can try the usual methods -- personal ads in the local paper or online, dating services, speed dating, etc. -- most will cost you some money, at least to be able to contact the men, some services will be free if they contact you. There are plenty of online sites you can choose from.

Don't lie about your age, your weight, your values and your preferences. Most of us have pretty good sensors about people. We may not be able to pick up any one specific lie but we can generally tell when someone is full of shit, so be yourself.

I suggest you start by letting friends, family, and coworkers know that you are in a dating mode. There's nothing wrong with mentioning to those around you. After all, if you're willing to meet strangers from some online services, why not meet men that at least someone you know can vouch for? Sure, anyone can pair you up with a loser, but your odds are still better if friends vet that person than with a total stranger.

If you're a religious person who attends services, let your religious leader and fellow congregation members know you're looking to date. Again, the odds are in your favor of finding someone with similar values.

Participate in activities that you like and where you could meet men. The two advantages to this are: if you meet a man there at least you know right off the bat you have something in common, and two, if you don't meet a man, at least you spent your time doing something you like. As an example, I was living in New York City area and since I love movies, I joined a movie club (a group of people who every week go see a movie and 3 days later meet in a social setting to discuss that movie.) I never met anyone there that I was interested in but I learned a lot about movies and enjoyed the meetings.

Don't be afraid of blind dates or meeting new people. Every single women I met was, in one way or another, at least worth that first date. Even if you don't hit it off with a man, some will make you laugh, some will teach you something you never knew before, some will talk with passion about things you think are trivial, some will be so pathetic that you come home and thank the almighty you're not them, some... well, some may not be so much fun that night but everyone of those has been great for a few laughs with my friends later.

Oh, and one last thing: Don't go out there thinking you're going to meet Brad Pitt -- he doesn't exist in our world. If you give the average Joe a chance, the rewards will be yours; either you find a good man or you will feed your soul some positive nuggets. Either way, you win.


Anyone with further suggestions for Marilyn, please use the VISITOR COMMENTS section below

Tags: dating, singles, 50-something