Ana, 24, from Miami asks: I've known this guy all my life. I hadn't seen him since I was about 10, though, & we just recently reunited. He is 7 years older than me with his own home & business needless to say he's established. He approached me and even when I was reluctant at first because I always saw him as a "big brother" figure growing up (he is in fact 7 years older and is a family friend), he continued to pursue me. He calls during business hours inviting me to lunch. He's never asked me out on the weekends or at night & it's getting a bit frustrating because I really like him. I've been to his house so I know that he doesn't live with anyone. He's also a family friend, so I know others who know him & have told me he's not seeing anyone. They have asked him about it and he says that he just wants to take things slow, but at this rate I'll be retired by the time he even kisses me! I also found out that he has an ex who is always on and off with him so I'm thinking that maybe she's the reason, but I still can't understand why he hasn't asked me out on a real date. I even went as far as calling him & telling him not to make plans for this evening because I was inviting him to join me and some of my co-workers to a lounge for some drinks and he said that he was sorry but he had already made plans. Long story short, I know he's attracted to me because he never fails to mention how hot he thinks I am, but I can't understand why he only wants to take me to lunch sporadically and never asks me out on a real date!!!! HELP!!!

VictorM's advice: Jeez! How many more ways do you want this guy to let you know he's not interested in you the way you are interested in him? Why that is I don't know, but there are several possibilities: He could still think of you a just a "little sister"; he still as an ex with loose ends and he doesn't want to involve you until that's resolved; and he may just like your company in small chunks, but not enough to have a relationship.

Saying you're hot doesn't mean he's attracted to you; it just means he finds you attractive. Many guys think Jessica Simpson is hot, but a moron. Same with Britney Spears. Finding someone hot and being attracted to them for a relationship just isn't the same thing. And this matches with him inviting you to lunch but not on night dates. Guys like to be seen with pretty women, they like looking at an attractive face. But that's not enough for a relationship. Lunch is the perfect way to do that.

You calling him to go out with you further complicated matters because now he knows you're interested in him, which gives him all the reason to take it slow in case someone else shows up. This is yet another sign that he doesn't think you're "it". At least not yet.

What I suggest you do is make yourself scarce. Give him a bit of a cold shoulder. Never be rude, but don't pander to him. If he really likes you, he'll come after you to know what's going on and he'll start pursuing you. If he doesn't chase you, you have your answer: he really isn't into you, no matter how hot you are.



Tags: advice, dating, hot, interested