Jenny, 35, LA asks: I am married and have a crush on a co-worker, same age as me. He is the strong, silent, handsome, tall type. We are not in the same work group, though we sit fairly close. I keep thinking of him all day (not sexual fantasies, just whether he likes me or not) to the point of obsession and keep thinking up excuses to go and chat with him or to even walk past his desk. His replies, when I drop by to chat, are sometimes friendly and sometimes ok (depending on how busy he is, I guess). He never comes over to chat with me, even though we share many commonalities (both of us love outdoor activities, both are into photography, etc.) and never makes any attempt to initiate conversation (except strictly work related). It would seem apparent that this guy is obviously not into me. However, the only contradiction is the eye contacts we keep having, like across a room or while crossing each other in corridors. They last about 1-2 secs, but each time our eyeballs lock and it feels like a direct connection to the heart, like I can see deep into his eyes. Sometimes he turns back and gives me a second look. A few times it happened that the eye contact lasted for 2-3 secs and then I averted my eyes since I didn't want to give away anything (I am married and have no wish to have an affair, plus he has a girlfriend). I have seen his eyes search me out in a full room and his eyes stopping at me....but there it ends. He makes no attempt to come and speak with me even in a friendly way, just goes his own way. My question is: Does he like me or am I reading too much into the whole 'eye contact' thing?? He is not a shy person, more of a silent alpha male. BTW, things have been this way for 11 months now. Thanks a lot for your reply! :-)

VictorM's advice: You are totally reading too much into the eye contact thing. I'll explain that in a second, but it's refreshing to hear a guy who is behaving like a gentleman at work, while you, pardon my expression, are being the cockteaser. I understand that you're curious, but since you're married and he has a girlfriend, you really ought to start behaving at work.

As for the eye contact, this is so often misunderstood by females. Guys look at attractive women the same way tourists look at tourist attractions -- they'll stand around and look but aren't emotionally involved. They check it off the list and go on to the next attraction. So yeah, a guy likes to look at attractive women. And sometimes that interest varies from day to day depending on his mood or how she looks. Sometimes a certain outfit makes you look more appealing than other days. Everything you said about this guy suggests he finds you attractive but only in a superficial way. He has no interest otherwise.

One more thing about eye contact is that many guys are conditioned to not being the ones to look away first. It's a "guy thing". So if you look at him, he'll look back. But that doesn't translate into interest; it's just him reacting to a belief that looking away is a sign of weakness.

Also, keep in mind that guys look their best in the office. You don't see him in the morning before he combs his hair and shaves, and you don't see him around the weekend looking like a bum, possibly something you see about your husband. But don't let the best side of him cloud your judgment -- what you're not seeing are the weaknesses.

In any case, you really should stop parading by his desk. He's shown you enough respect; it's time you do likewise.