Amy, 22 from PA asks:

I got myself into a mess that I can't discuss with anyone I know. I got engaged to a 32 year old man about 8 moths ago and everything was going good, I got a church and a hall reserved for our wedding and made many other plans. Then he started having trouble making his mortgage and car payments with his current job so he decided to start his own business instead of working for someone else. It turned out that the business was not profitable at all. He hit rock bottom and he could lose his house if he does not turn things around soon! This put me in a panic because I don't know what to do now. I know that I love him with all of my heart but is it smart to marry a person who is in this much debt? I can't even look forward to our wedding with this horrible situation lingering over my head. Paying for the wedding is not a problem because his and my parents agreed to pay for it but what about the rest of our lives! I just want to know, what you would do if you were in my situation. Would you still marry him? What would you say to him??? PLEASE HELP

Emilie’s Advice:

Amy, although you are 10 years his junior, you are clearly more mature and responsible than this guy. The fact that you are obviously having doubts is a clear sign that this is not right. First of all, he is 10 years older than you are. You sound intelligent and nice, but the age difference is quite worrisome. Then there’s the main issue of the finances. Judging from his decision, when faced with not being able to make enough money at his current job, to try to start up a business tells me that he is COMPLETELY irresponsible with money and does not fully appreciate his responsibilities or the consequences of his actions.
And I realize that traditionally the bride’s parents pay for the wedding, but this guy has been on his own for well over 10 years now. The fact that he is comfortable with letting your parents pick up the tab is (to me anyway) a disturbing sign.
So what would I do in your situation? I would call off the engagement and stop seeing him. If he is truly the “one” for you, he will turn his life around. But I’ll tell you my honest opinion. I don’t think he can or will. I think you need to realize that although you may love him, you would be entering a world of constant stress, disappointment and frustration with him. The number one cause of divorce is money problems.
I like happy endings. But I don’t think your happy ending is with him.