Nick, 22, from Lincoln, asks: I had a girlfriend for a long time since high school. We just broke up 8 months ago because of many different reasons. I found a girl I kinda liked and started dating. My ex was mad but we still talked and saw each other. It was hard cuz I was realizing I still loved her. I finally broke up with my girlfriend because I didn't find it fair that I still loved my ex. When I told my ex that we needed to talk she was like "we're done. I want to find a guy who's not a jerk and respects me, leave me alone". I was so suprised cuz I treated her awesome. I have a huge respect for women. When I broke up with her I hugged her for like 2 hours to make sure she was OK and I assured her how much I still loved her. But anyway since then I found out that she's "seeing" (not dating) one of these guys that used to try to get with her while we were dating. He is 2 years younger than her and he's in the military ( yeah stupid i know). Shes 20. Anyway I'm guessing it was the easiest catch because he isn't very attractive but has always wanted to get in her pants. And sadly I fear she's letting him. But now every time I try to talk to her she is mean and rude to me. And a week before she started liking this guy I was at her house taking care of her because she was sick and everything was fine but literally 6 days later she hated me. I talked to my friend and she told me that my ex said if i really loved her I would break up with my girlfriend (which I did but I don't think she knows). I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for her and it's a lost cause. Because even if she does still love me and trying to hide it I'm sure it's a lot easier to get over someone if you never see them and you have a 18 year old boy constantly telling you how cute you are over the internet. Is she really over me? Am I wasting me time?

VictorM's advice: Sounds to me like she's playing mind games: you two breakup and she gets mad when you get another girl; she says she wants someone who's not a jerk; she tells your friend she wants you to breakup with your girlfriend. This girl is busy.

You aren't being very clear with me: you broke up for reasons you don't explain (suggesting she broke up with you); you hugged her for 2 hours (suggesting you brokeup with her); if you're so respectful with women why did she say she wants someone who respects her (suggesting you didn't); you say she is seeing some guy who just sex but he's talking to her over the internet (so is this cybersex?)

OK, with this fragmented information, I'll say this: after a breakup people sometimes are rude with their ex to provoke them to be the jerk that want to believe they are -- it makes their decision easier to live with. And of course, it doesn't have to be true.

But I think you're both better off without the other. Either she plays too many mind games (if what you say is true), in which case you're better off without her, or most of what you told me is distorded bullshit that doesn't match with what she believes to be the true you, in which case she's better off without you.

There's an old saying that goes something like "there's three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth." I think it applies here.