Monday, January 02, 2006
My boyfriend is too busy for me
samantha, 21, from florida, asks: My boyfriend Dave is always busy now because he's making a CD with Rich (his friend) and he's always busy. He hardly calls me anymore, he calls but only talks for 30 min now. And when he says he will call back he never does. He always used to call me all the time and talk to me for hours and hours, and he always used to call me back when he says he will. But now he doesn't. Maybe it's because he's busy :( I'm getting really depressed about it. I miss him so much. What should I do? I don't want to tell him how I feel because I don't know if it will make him angry. I don't think it will but I'm not sure I don't want to make him angry. What should I do?
VictorM's advice: You should tell him how you feel. But don't whine about it. Telling him that you miss him will probably be something he'd like to hear, and who knows, if he becomes aware of your feelings he might make more of an effort to call you or be with you. But please, don't play the "guilt" card. Tell him you understand he's busy but you miss him.
You should also look for ways to make your time without him more meaningful. If he becomes successful at his craft, there will be more times like this. Find something to occupy your time with something you enjoy. You need to understand that healthy relationships allow for each other to follow pursuits that doesn't involve the other. Make the time with each other quality time, not an obligation.
You should also take a dosage of reality. Phone calls of half-hour are pretty long. Maybe they don't compare to the first few weeks but the more people know each other the less they have to talk about, so it's natural for the length of the calls to drop. And when guys get absorbed in some activity, they forget the world. Don't take it personally.
*Shameless plug* Hey, how about spending your free time in our ARGville forum? :)
VictorM's advice: You should tell him how you feel. But don't whine about it. Telling him that you miss him will probably be something he'd like to hear, and who knows, if he becomes aware of your feelings he might make more of an effort to call you or be with you. But please, don't play the "guilt" card. Tell him you understand he's busy but you miss him.
You should also look for ways to make your time without him more meaningful. If he becomes successful at his craft, there will be more times like this. Find something to occupy your time with something you enjoy. You need to understand that healthy relationships allow for each other to follow pursuits that doesn't involve the other. Make the time with each other quality time, not an obligation.
You should also take a dosage of reality. Phone calls of half-hour are pretty long. Maybe they don't compare to the first few weeks but the more people know each other the less they have to talk about, so it's natural for the length of the calls to drop. And when guys get absorbed in some activity, they forget the world. Don't take it personally.
*Shameless plug* Hey, how about spending your free time in our ARGville forum? :)
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MY BOYFRIEND DOESNT HAVE TIME FOR ME ANYMORE..HE IS WORKING NOW AND ALL HE DOES IS GO TO WORK THEN HE GOES OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS....I DONT MIND AND IM NOT THE JEALOUS TYPE...BUT THE OTHER DAY HE HAD GIRLS AT HIS HOUSE COOKING FOR HIM AND HIS FRIENDS...IS THIS A SIGN THAT HE IS CHEATING...I AM SO LOST I DONT KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO. I TOLD HIM MANY TIMES HAOW I FELT AND NOTHING CHANGED. TO BE HONEST IF I DONT CALL, EMAIL OR GO TO HIS HOUSE ITS LIKE I DONT EVEN EXIST...WHAT SHOULD I DO?
# posted by 
: 6:42 PM
: 6:42 PM
My daughter used to cry her eyes out when her boyfriend never called, was always too busy for her, didn't come over when he was supposed to.. blah blah blah.
Well...you know how she got his attention? She got BUSY with her own life... Was in school, got a part time job, and was rarely home. He started calling alot more.. looking for HER.. begging for HER time.... and it all happened very much by accident. Sweetheart, when you get busy with your OWN LIFE.... and the guy cares? HE WILL NOTICE.... Do not EVER chase a man. NEVER. Know your value, know your worth, and don't ever let a man define who you are!! You are FABULOUS!!! He is LUCKY to be in YOUR company!!
Don't whine. Don't cry. Don't beg. Have some dignity ~ If it's meant to be, he will pay attention. If not? LET HIM GO.... TOO MANY FINE MEN OUT THERE WHO WOULD LOVE TO BE IN YOUR VERY SPECIAL COMPANY!!
Well...you know how she got his attention? She got BUSY with her own life... Was in school, got a part time job, and was rarely home. He started calling alot more.. looking for HER.. begging for HER time.... and it all happened very much by accident. Sweetheart, when you get busy with your OWN LIFE.... and the guy cares? HE WILL NOTICE.... Do not EVER chase a man. NEVER. Know your value, know your worth, and don't ever let a man define who you are!! You are FABULOUS!!! He is LUCKY to be in YOUR company!!
Don't whine. Don't cry. Don't beg. Have some dignity ~ If it's meant to be, he will pay attention. If not? LET HIM GO.... TOO MANY FINE MEN OUT THERE WHO WOULD LOVE TO BE IN YOUR VERY SPECIAL COMPANY!!
# posted by : 12:38 AM
: 12:38 AM
Hi Samantha,
I think talking on the phone for over 5 minutes is excessive. He is obviously busy with something he is passionate about. Why not use this free time to find your own passion in life?
Cheers,
Napoleon Will's blog
Feel free to email with questions or comments
I think talking on the phone for over 5 minutes is excessive. He is obviously busy with something he is passionate about. Why not use this free time to find your own passion in life?
Cheers,
Napoleon Will's blog
Feel free to email with questions or comments
I am in the same situation, once what was great has turned into boring. I suppose we need to pick the person that best suits us. If we pick someone that wants to succeed in business and do anything to get it we should forget them. Unfortunately for most women these type of men are the most interesting. I am going to get my act together and be as busy as him. In the end I won't need him anymore.....
# posted by : 2:04 AM
: 2:04 AM
i know the feeling, i try to keep busy but i keep thinking about him and miss him !!! my boyfriend is too busy, he's in training for a new job, hes building his new house and he works shift work..hes very private about his feelings, he says he loves me. I feel ive turned into a clingy needed girlfriend and i hate that,I was never like that in any other relationship before. I have 2 young children from a previous marriage and i get very little free time so when i do i like to spend it with him (3 days a month !!) but he would never think to change shifts in work, or he would arrange to go training or have to do something with work. I feel i do all the work and running around to see him and i dont think he makes the same effort to see mem and its harder for me coz i have the two children...he seems so happy and wrapped up in his own life and i dont feel included at all....so why does he still want me around???
i really don't know him but it sounds to me like he wants you around because it's a sure thing for him, but honestly, if he really cared he would make the time. building his new house is great, is he planning on living in it? and where are you in this picture? also, i know this sounds crazy but how well do you really know him? are you sure that he isn't keeping this inflexibly tight schedule because he has another girlfriend or worse, wife? you didn't say how long you've been with this guy, but if it's been more than a year and he's this distant just move on. i know it's hard to let go when you have two children, it is hard to feel attractive sometimes or hopeful about finding love again when you have kids, but don't let that take over your mind and heart. there are plenty of men out there who have good jobs and would be able to find a balance in their lives to include you and your lovely children in it for more than 3 days a month. that is just absurd. it sounds too, like you're way too accomodating. don't go out of yourn way to see him, do something else for a while and if he isn't banging on your door wondering where you are and why you're not suddenly available in his tiny chunk of time that he's put aside for you then you have your answer. without drama and without tears.
# posted by : 2:15 PM
: 2:15 PM
ya same thing is happening with me!! he is into a new job and ofcourse i understand that he gets busy with training and all the stuff but even when he calls it is just the 'what else' conversation.. it looks like there is nothing to talk about.. when i feel upset that he don't call, the reaction is like 'i can't do anything about it'... it is so hurting...
# posted by : 7:42 PM
: 7:42 PM
what am i supposed to do?my guy always busy with his own stuff nn doesnt even haf tyme for me now..last tyme he always ask how am i..etc etc...but now..does he haf no feelings for me??plsh.help me..
# posted by : 2:01 PM
: 2:01 PM
If a guy has no time for you, this is a no-brainer: you need to move on and find a new boyfriend because this one either lost interest in you or he's a jerk.
I kno how you feel. The guy im with now asked me to be his girlfriend. But before that he explained to me how he won't be able to see me as much as he'd like because he's busy a lot. He wanted to know if I could handle that, and I told him "Yes". I can handle it, but sometimes it's difficult. He calls me atleast once or twice a day. Sometimes 4 times a day. Sometimes he calls back when he says he will, and sometimes he dont. He says he doesn't go out with friends because he doesn't really have any friends. Basically all he does is work on, and off the clock because he has 2 kids from a previous marriage. When he gets the time he comes and sees me but I havent seen him in a month. He was suppose to come, and see me the other day but didn't make it, and hasn't called me. I figure something came up because well it's happend before, it's nothing new. I love him deeply, and he says he's serious about us and loves me more than i'll ever know. Some people say that if he really cared he'd come see me more often but things do come up. I can understand him being busy. We live almost 2 hours from eachother. No it's not that huge of a distance but it's not 10 minutes down the road. I know in his voice he wants me to wait for him because we have something special in the future for us. I know it because I sense it in his voice... But it is hard when a boyfriend is busy. But im just glad to see im not the only girl out there who gets lonely at times because there's moments where it feels like im the only one.
# posted by : 3:49 AM
: 3:49 AM
kelly says
this boy i dated for a few days is ignoring me when i text him on myspace. do you think my breaking up technique didnt work. i still love him i tell him that all the time.i wanted to get back together with him but he wont answer. i have left him my email but he wont text me what should i do? i cant stop thinkingabout him. i right poems about him every night. i also have dreams about him and i getting married but im only 13.
this boy i dated for a few days is ignoring me when i text him on myspace. do you think my breaking up technique didnt work. i still love him i tell him that all the time.i wanted to get back together with him but he wont answer. i have left him my email but he wont text me what should i do? i cant stop thinkingabout him. i right poems about him every night. i also have dreams about him and i getting married but im only 13.
# posted by : 8:01 PM
: 8:01 PM
I've been dating this guy from August 2008. When i first met him, he was just beginning to open his business. At first i was never intrested in him, but wow, how the tables do change. I love being around him. He works two jobs from 7:30am - 4:00pm then he goes to his lounge (club) from after 4pm until wee hours in the morning. Now that he just started the poker room..its a very addictive game. He used to return my calls and now when he says he will call be back he never does....He will call now and then.. When we do speak, we argue and he always says that he didnt get much sleep last night or he was sooo busy that he forget to call back.... We dont have a normal sex life anymore and our communication is getting worse.... Just a few hours ago he called me and i told him that i dont think its gonna work... Im really still in love with him....I laid my cards on the table and, he listened and then i hunged up...Up to this time he never called back....I dont really think its another woman, its just that he is so inconsiderate at times and self centerd.Its always his day was very busy! I work many shifts but i always find the time to spend that quality time with him. It has gotton soo worse now that most of our communication time is done in the wee hours of the morning.. I would have to go by his club to get his house keys and go to bed until he comes home... Thats when he comes home..... Like the saying goes, if you love it let it go, if its yours or meant to be he will come back if not it was never yours.... So thats what i have decided to do.. But i miss him sooooo much... What should i do??????
# posted by : 12:35 AM
: 12:35 AM
I know the feeling all too well. My boyfriend is obsessed with cars. He spends every day in his garage working on them, with his father. I understand it's a passion of his, but I am his girlfriend. He should make sacrifices from time to time for me, like I do for him. He comes in around 6 PM & we talk for a couple hours, then he goes to bed cuz he says he's "too tired from working in the shop all day." It gets so old... It's like a normal routine. I mean, he makes time for car conventions & stuff like that, but, not for me. It makes me feel so unwanted & I cry about it, often. Sorry for blabbering this to you, but I'm tired of being treated this way.
# posted by : 12:59 PM
: 12:59 PM
Same here...my boyfriends is always busy...and the only time I get to be with just him is about 1 hr a week, since he promised his mother that he will return soon....but whenever we do go out his mother tags along (he invites her since she doesnt have a job). I don't mind that she's with us, she's amazing, but its all the time...I really do care about him and I'm always ecstatic to see him...but i just want to spend more time with just him...and whenever we do, he always seems to talk about his problems, what he needs to do, etc, but whenever we're with his mother, the conversation is light, happy and i do understand that he trust me, but I miss our random talks, cuddling and kissing...also...he hasn't really kissed me in 5-6 months and we have been going out for 9 months...and its been so long that he has taken me out to eat, etc because he's saving money but it all changes when his mother is with us...pus he hates talking on the phone and hardly ever textes, so our communication is low and i dnt want to complain to him about my thoughts of his action or lack of...I'm tired of feeling lonely, unappreciated, unwanted...and to make it worse I'm having family problems so my only true escape is when i go to school but thats not even for long since i have plenty of responsibility to attend to at home if I dnt want to make my life even harder with my family...
# posted by : 1:26 AM
: 1:26 AM
i feel so sorry for you..i advise you to move if it's dragging you down..you don't have to feel miserable there are other guys out there..talk to him and he never makes effort about it, just move on. it would hurt more if you are gonna try to keep the relationship going.
# posted by : 2:59 PM
: 2:59 PM
I have been dating a guy with 3 teenage children and 3 jobs. I,myself, am single with no children. You talk about not having time for someone, I never see my boyfriend. I guess my advice would be, if you love him, you will be patient and stay with him.
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