Finnely, 22, from new york, asks: My boyfriend has recently packed on a few pounds. We live together and he is always reminding me of my diet while he pigs out. I tell him he's putting on weight too fast but he says he doesn't care. He recently gave up smoking and is blaming the weight gain on that. How can I tell him he is becoming unattractive to me without making him mad or really hurting him?

VictorM's advice: First let me say that a lot of people will say you're just being shallow, but I don't agree. You have every right to be turned off. It's not just the fat itself (although that would be enough reason) but his gaining weight and saying he doesn't care tells you a lot about him and what to expect in the future. Now, I suspect that his "I don't care" doesn't really mean that; he's just frustrated and is too lazy to do something about it. And yeah, maybe quitting affects his eating, but nothing that extra exercise and better diet couldn't burn-off. He's just being lazy!

There may be several ways for you to help him I think the best is to express your honest feelings. Go ahead, hurt his feelings. Tell him his weight gain is a turn off to you, that you're finding him less attractive. So what if he gets mad? He has two options: to do something about the weight gain, or to do nothing. Whichever option he chooses gives you a glimpse at the type of man you're dealing with and what's expecting you as you two get older.

I don't know how he's going to react, but I know one thing: you keeping your feelings to yourself will help no one; not you, and not him. So start motivating him. But always talk in reference to your feelings ("I don't like how you're looking..." "I feel more exercise would help..." "I think a better diet would help..." Do NOT say "You're too lazy..." "You should exercise more...") When you talk about your feelings there is no argument -- they are your feelings and that's it.