Sally, 15, from NZ, asks: It's been a long time since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, and somehow, he still has the need to show me how much he hates me. Either by telling his friends about how he used me for sex or to pay me out. We broke up because he was becoming way too abusive to handle, hitting me when I didn't talk to him, making me do things I didn't want to do, and controlling who I talked to and what I did etc. Ever since, any guy I've dated he's planned a group assassination on, (getting them bashed/run over/killed somehow) he nearly killed my last boyfriend by running him over with his car when he was riding home. He took it really hard when I didn't want to put up with him anymore, and made up several girlfriends that he was "going-out" with, that he wasn't really. Does he just really hate me? He hasn't given me a break for about 10 months now, the main thing that bugs me, is he complains to my boyfriend's older brother about how much he hates me and all the things we did together, because I don't get along with my boyfriend's brother and they get along great. Should I just ignore him and let him keep attacking my friends or should I try a different approach? We dated for about 5 months till things got really bad.

VictorM's advice: First of all I want to commend you for breaking up with this guy. No matter how much hell it is now, imagine what life would be like if you stayed with him.

This has nothing to do with love or hate. This guy is all about control. People like him have no concept of love. Not the way most of us do anyway. He wants to control your life, whether he's your boyfriend or not. I believe the type of people who listen to him come in two flavors: those who are like him and believe him and those who know he's a loser and won't pay any mind to what he has to say.

You could fight back. Tell whoever he talks to that he was abusive. If he tells them about the sex, you tell them he was lousy in bed (doesn't matter if that's not true) as long as you embarrass him in front of those whose opinion he cares about. He may then leave you alone or, since he has a violent streak, you can be in more danger. I think the risk is too high. I prefer the approach below.

Whenever someone quotes things he says, just respond with a matter-of-fact attitude: "If it makes you happy to believe him, go ahead, I'm not talking about it" and walk away. Don't bother denying anything, don't bother trying to convince them it's not true because every time you do, you're playing into his hands. See, he wants attention from you. Negative attention is a lot better than no attention. Give him none! Eventually, the first type of people's opinions won't matter -- they're losers just like him -- and the second group of people will respect you for taking the high road.