Lotte, 23, from Canada, asks: I was secretly dating a 43 year old man for the past 2 months and I had such a blast. He says he did too. I still want to date him and he says he does too but he says he feels that he is taking something away from me by not being able to make our relationship public. He feels bad about dating someone so young and he worries that his friends and family and just people in general will judge him and think badly of him. He says he is frustrated that he had to go and meet the girl of his dreams and that she had to be so young. He wishes I were 30 so that he would not feel so bad. He is a very well respected man and I do not want him to feel bad about himself, nor ruin his reputation. He brings up examples such as taking me to a social gathering where everyone is his age. He worries about how awkward I would feel. I keep trying to reassure him that age is not that big of a deal. I am very good in social situations. Why should norms that society establish be the cause of 2 broken hearts? It's my life, I am an adult. He is very open minded, obviously, but he says that in all reality it would be very impossible. I disagree. The love is there, the connection is there and we have more in common than 2 peas in a pod. Am I delusional? Please help me. Is he right? Am I too young? Would he just look like a gross creepy old man in the public eye? I know so many people who are married and have 10, 15, 20 year old gaps.

VictorM's advice: Social norms are what each of us make it. In South America, for example, your age difference would be acceptable. But in North America, that's not so much the case. So this comes down to his level of comfort.

It's not just you fitting in his settings that's an issue, but more importantly, it's him fitting in yours. His conservative attitude and respectability would make being part of your younger social setting very difficult for him.

Do not discount that his attraction for you could be more fleeting than yours for him. At 43 he's grasping for the last straws of youth. Being with a 23 year old girl can be very good for the ego of a middle-aged man, but reality will eventually take over. That doesn't mean your love for each other can't be genuine, it just means you haven't passed the test of time. Have you even discussed things like your respective wishes about starting a family?

I know most people would say the sensible thing would be for you to forget this guy and date within your age range. But I disagree. You can't just walk away because you'd always wonder if things could have worked out. As long as you feel about him the way you do, you're not wasting your time. You sound like a mature 23; you're not a child. Twenty years difference becomes less of a problem as each year passes by. A successful relationship is quite doable as long as both of you are convinced of that.

You need to give him time to decide if he thinks you're the real thing enough to overcome the scrutiny of society or, if after a while, you were just a temporary fountain of youth.