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Thursday, January 19, 2006
I don't want to lead him on
Sam, 17, from USA, asks: Okay, there's this guy who I think is kind of into me. He asks if we want to hang out and go do stuff, sometimes just us and sometimes with other friends. Hanging out is cool, but I don't want to lead him on because I'm not interested. How can I be his friend without sending the wrong signs? Thanks!
VictorM's advice: The problem is that if he likes you, he'll see the wrong signs no matter what you do. Besides, guys aren't very good at understanding subtle hints. Being blunt about it may not be a good approach because 1) you could be wrong about his feeling for you, 2) you may drive him away if he gets offended. I suggest you find ways to talk about other guys or a guy that you may be attracted to and get him to talk about girls he may be attracted to. This way, your interest in other guys and your acceptance that he likes other girls should make it clear enough your intentions without you having to spell them out.
But if he asks if you like him, be direct! Don't be wishy washy because it's better to lose his friendship than windup in a situation with him you really don't want to be.
VictorM's advice: The problem is that if he likes you, he'll see the wrong signs no matter what you do. Besides, guys aren't very good at understanding subtle hints. Being blunt about it may not be a good approach because 1) you could be wrong about his feeling for you, 2) you may drive him away if he gets offended. I suggest you find ways to talk about other guys or a guy that you may be attracted to and get him to talk about girls he may be attracted to. This way, your interest in other guys and your acceptance that he likes other girls should make it clear enough your intentions without you having to spell them out.
But if he asks if you like him, be direct! Don't be wishy washy because it's better to lose his friendship than windup in a situation with him you really don't want to be.
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