kitten007, 21, from new york asks: I met a guy online 2 weeks ago and we totally hit it off. We would spend about 5 hours a night on the phone. We then decided that it was time to meet. At 8 o'clock he came to pick me up and we went out. We had a great time, we saw a movie and he even told me keep the stub and write our first date on the back. We had great conversation as usual and totally clicked. Before we met we decided we would tell each other how we felt about one another when we saw each other so than there would be no awkwardness. We both agreed than we wanted to pursue this relationship. Before ending the night he asked me if I wanted to go out tomorrow night, I said sure. So he dropped me off and called me when he got home to say goodnight. He said goodnight, I had a great time and I will call you when I wake up. He didn't call, he still hasn't called, and I am really confused. It's been 3 days. If he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, why not just tell me? What is the point of ignoring me and not answering my phone call. If he didn't want to pursue it, than why make plans for the next day. Please help, I am confused. He said he didn't like games but this is a game.

VictorM's advice: When a guy tells you he doesn't like playing mind games, well, you shouldn't believe him. But anyway, I don't think this is a mind game. He's just being a guy. Let me explain.

Most guys HATE to offend or disappoint a girl. So, whatever he told you that first night, means nothing. It's not that he was being purposely devious; he was just acting on thousands of years of male genes ruling his behavior and following an internal script. The idea is to make the night as pleasant as it can be and live to decide another day. Subconsciously, guys want you to like them, hence all the great things he told you. Again, it's not a game; it's innate behavior. If you like him then his ego is not deflated and he's on the driver's seat.

So ignore what he told you. He went home and he's not so sure about you. Maybe you're one of several dates he lined up (and believe me, he would have told all the girls the same thing.) So now he's going to procrastinate hoping that: 1) you forget about him, or 2) that he comes to realize you're really worth it -- he's not sure yet, or 3) he's thinking "Um... I'll call her tomorrow" (and of course tomorrow hasn't come yet).

By the way, this: "we decided we would tell each other how we felt about one another when we saw each other so than there would be no awkwardness" never works; it just invites lying. Don't bother next time.

So three days have gone by. Unless he was hit by a bus, he's probably moving on. So should you. But learn something from this: next time, take whatever a guy tells you on a first date with a grain of salt. He's not playing mind games; he's just being a guy. The purpose of a first date shouldn't be for you to judge if the guy likes you; it's for you to access your feelings for him. And next time, act a little cooler about things. Let the guy call you, don't call him.

Tags: advice, dating, relationship, phone, confused, online, call