Tara, 25, from Canada asks: I am 25 years old. My ex-boyfriend (also 25) and I broke up about 6 months ago after 3.5 years. I just graduated from University. I have gone away to pursue an athletic career overseas. We talked about this and both discussed the possibility of us breaking up when I left so that we can decide if this is what we really want. At the time I was OK with it, but when the time came (he brought it up) I didn't really want to break up, but I agreed. I knew that he probably had some kind of interest in someone else (as I was away). So I told him that I am open to him doing his own thing but when I get back we will have to make some kind of decision on whether we are going to be committed in the relationship. I dated/slept with other people (I have never done this before -- my ex was my first) and he did as well. I came back at Xmas (only for 2 weeks). He told me that he still needs time and that us starting our relationship up again on a long distance note was not a good idea (I had to go back overseas until March). He told me that he sees himself with me and he loves me but he still needs some time. I know that he has been sleeping with other people (and has never really been like that, so I thinks he wants to experience the whole bachelor lifestyle.) I told him that I need to move on and that he should look me up when he knows what he wants. We have talked a few times on msn and he still tells me that he loves me in his emails. Do you think he will ever commit to me? I am wondering if I should completely cut all ties with him? (like not talk at all or email) I still really love him, but I don't want to be one of the girls that let the guy string them on... and then he finds another girl and decides to marry her. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!Thanks

VictorM's advice: Tara, you both agreed to break up until after you're back. Right? You're NOT back yet! You're being a tad premature.

You say you love him, but you sleep with other people. He says he loves you but he sleeps with other people. What makes you think he's stringing you along any more than you are stringing him alone? What if you're the one who found a foreign athlete to get hooked on? You both are running the same risks.

Why would you cut all ties with a guy you claim to be in love with? What have you got to lose by continuing to talk to him? Nothing, I say. Once you get back for good, then you two can decide what to do next. Could he choose the bachelor life style over you? Yeah, he could. If that happens then you know he's no longer into you, no matter what he says, and you can move on. But you could also find out that after being with other guys, this guy isn't all that you recall.

Will he ever commit to you? I'm not so sure. I can understand him not wanting a long distance relationship, but I find it suspicious that he says he wants more time. That leads me to believe the flame of love for you has dwindled, otherwise, waiting a few more weeks for the girl he loves would be no sweat. But there's one sure way to find out: come back and you'll have your answer. If he still says he needs more time, that means he doesn't really need the time, he's just too chicken to say the obvious -- that it's over between you two.


Tags: commit, distance, relationship, bachelor, dating, breakup, boyfriend, girlfriend, overseas