mya, 44, from Texas, asks: I've been involved with a man for almost 4 years now. To me over the last two years I've felt it wasn't ever going to work into what I am looking for which is a companion and possible marriage. He has 2 small children from his 2nd marriage and has 2 businesses that keep him very busy. I never see him except maybe 5 or 6 times a month. I've tried to tell him it's not working and have tried to break things off a dozen times, I even started dating other guys and he found out and acted like an idiot. He always comes back with all this stuff he's going to do and blah blah. He won't leave me alone, especially if he thinks he can't have me anymore. I guess I wanted to believe him then because I loved him, but now I'm just tired of it and tired of being alone all the time. How do I get rid of him? I think he's lying and saying anything to keep me where he wants me, he's even started telling me he loves me and talking about our future. I don't even listen anymore to half the things he says, because I know he's full of it. I have found out that if I actually take him up on some of the things he offers like him helping me move, or buying me a ring for Christmas, he disappears. He calls everyday, his record is 96 times one night when I turned my phone off. He begs me to come back, wants to have dinner with my parents, pay my books so I won't have to work part time at night. But as soon as he says all that, it's like it never happened. What is wrong with him? I know what's wrong with me..I've been stupid. But I'm smarting up now..I think I'm just trying to understand what is going on in his head, so I'll know what approach to take this time to make it stick.

VictorM's advice: The guy is emotionally sick. And you've fed his sickness for far too long. Now, in a sick way, you're part of his life whether you like it or not. If you broke things off a dozen times, that means you've taken him back eleven times -- you're not helping yourself.

I assume that total lack of contact with him is out of the question for you, for whatever reason, because you haven't done it. Me saying it isn't going to change that.

But I think you said one thing that might help: "I have found out that if I actually take him up on some of the things he offers like... he disappeared." How about every time you talk to him, you ask him for something expensive: a diamond ring, a vacation to an exotic place, a car, a gallon of gasoline, treatment for an STD (make one up)... and watch him vanish from your life. For a while anyway.