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Sunday, December 25, 2005
My guy friend and his jealous girlfriend
Lisa, 21, from Chicago, asks: I've been friends with my guy friend for over 2 years. When I was in a relationship, he developed more than friends feelings for me. When I kept resisting he stopped seeing me and calling me for a month to get over it. He came back and we were great friends again. Now that he has a girlfriend, he isn't allowed to talk or see me, as his girlfriend is extremely jealous and insecure of anyone being around her boyfriend. He recently told me he couldn't talk to me anymore even though he has said he wants to be friends still. Do I just stay out of his relationship and stop trying to make an effort to stay friends with him? He's been with me through many tough times for me and think it's unfair for him to drop me when I stuck with him when he was hitting on me when I had a boyfriend. What's your advice?
VictorM's advice: Yes, you stay away from him. Friendship isn't measured on what your friends can do for you; it's what you do for each other. Maybe he isn't living up to that standard, but he has an excuse; you don't. If talking to him will cause him problems, you wouldn't be much of a friend if you were OK with that.
Now, is he in a stupid relationship? Yes. Will he regret it? Yes. And when he regrets it are you going to shove it in his face or will you be supportive? If you're a good friend, the answer to that is obvious.
VictorM's advice: Yes, you stay away from him. Friendship isn't measured on what your friends can do for you; it's what you do for each other. Maybe he isn't living up to that standard, but he has an excuse; you don't. If talking to him will cause him problems, you wouldn't be much of a friend if you were OK with that.
Now, is he in a stupid relationship? Yes. Will he regret it? Yes. And when he regrets it are you going to shove it in his face or will you be supportive? If you're a good friend, the answer to that is obvious.
Comments:
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Fuck that, give the bitch a black eye. First, your friend is stupid for letting someone control him like that... second, is he really a friend if he's willing to stop talking to you because of some dumb broad? And third, um, I forgot what I was going to say. Bottom line, he's stupid, she's a controlling bitch, and if you can't do anything about it, fuck them both.
Lisa - Your posting boils down to this, "Do I just stay out of his relationship and stop trying to make an effort to stay friends with him? He's been with me through many tough times for me and think it's unfair for him to drop me when I stuck with him when he was hitting on me when I had a boyfriend. What's your advice?"
VictorM's advice boils down to ehis, friendship is "measured on...what you do for each other...If talking to him will cause him problems, you wouldn't be much of a friend if you were OK with that." In other words, you would not be a good friend if you still tried to make contact with him and speak with him. This would only cause trouble for him in a relationship that he has found love in.
As for what Baby had to say, "...give the bitch a black eye. First, your friend is stupid for letting someone control him like that... second, is he really a friend if he's willing to stop talking to you because of some dumb broad?...Bottom line, he's stupid, she's a controlling bitch..." Well, she is right on her first point when she says, that she is controlling your friend. I do not think that your friend is stupid though. I think when he realizes that he can't take her controlling him anymore, he will up and leave her. You have to be the friend that will help him get thru that. However, be careful of being his rebound relationship, as you could not stand your first close relationship with him.
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VictorM's advice boils down to ehis, friendship is "measured on...what you do for each other...If talking to him will cause him problems, you wouldn't be much of a friend if you were OK with that." In other words, you would not be a good friend if you still tried to make contact with him and speak with him. This would only cause trouble for him in a relationship that he has found love in.
As for what Baby had to say, "...give the bitch a black eye. First, your friend is stupid for letting someone control him like that... second, is he really a friend if he's willing to stop talking to you because of some dumb broad?...Bottom line, he's stupid, she's a controlling bitch..." Well, she is right on her first point when she says, that she is controlling your friend. I do not think that your friend is stupid though. I think when he realizes that he can't take her controlling him anymore, he will up and leave her. You have to be the friend that will help him get thru that. However, be careful of being his rebound relationship, as you could not stand your first close relationship with him.
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