Tammy, 25, from Florida, asks: I have a guy I am truly in love with and our relationship has been great for a year and a half until recently we've had some disagreements. We have sex just not that much but when we do it's great about once a week. Recently his porn collection has started to bother me. He has stacks of about 30 magazines in the bathroom under the sink, about 5 videos and about 10 DVD's and toys for himself and lotions that he uses on himself. He doesn't really use them with us. I've been catching him lately masturbating on the couch in the middle of the night a lot and sometimes if I go to the store I come home and he's in the bathroom forever and I catch him then too. This is really bothering me. I told him I understand porn is a guy thing and I don't mind but I hate the barley legal, and cheri teen crap. I told him if you want to look at porn that's fine but look at women not these stupid younger girl crap some of those girls look really young it's just sick. He swears that our sex life isn't the problem and he's happy with me but I can't deal with this anymore I'm almost ready to end this, it will kill me because I love him but I can't share him with every slut in those magazines? What do I do?

VictorM's advice: "I can't share him with every slut in those magazines". This statement highlights the difference between girls and guys about porn. From his point of view there's no sharing at all. He loves you and only uses the images of those girls to fulfill some fantasies. Imagine him being as angry with you over your love for shoes, or nail polish, or a new outfit. Because from a guy's point of view, porn models generate the same level of emotional attachment as a pair of shoes does to you.

Having said, I still find the frequency of masturbation, particularly with you around, quite odd and extreme. You have a valid reason to be concerned. I can't blame you for feeling so frustrated. Not matter how much you love him, this is a warning sign you can't ignore.

Talk to him purely about how it makes you feel, and of your wish to have a partner with a more conventional sex behavior. If he's unwilling or unable to change, as I suspect will be the case, well... I think you have a big decision to make.

I'll suggest one more thing. Try to get him to see a professional therapist. I wouldn't hold out too much hope, but try it anyway. His refusal should motivate you to make the difficult choice.