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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
He got into MAJOR DEBT!
Amy, 23, from Pennsylvania, asks: Hi, I just got engaged about 5 months ago and for a while everything was going great. Then my fiancee starting changing his personality big time, he became the most miserable person on the planet. It turns out that the business that he just recently started went south. He got into MAJOR DEBT! He says that he still wants to marry me for sure. I love him and want to marry him to, but do you marry a person who is in major debt??
VictorM's advice: Lot's of people come out of college with major debt. By itself, that wouldn't be a good reason to avoid marriage, even if money is a big deal in a relationship. I would consider his work ethic, responsibility, and drive before I write him off. Did he just have bad luck? Was it a wild goose chase from the beginning? Did he learn anything? Does he have prospects to be able to pay it back? Does he have lousy money management skills?
There are legal concerns with a large debt. You should consult a lawyer about it. Loving him is all nice and good, but you have to make sure that the financial situation won't erode that love and make your life more of a hardship than it needs to be.
But if you decide to hold off on marrying him go through his apartment and take any valuables before the creditors do. Hey, love is one thing, but a good toaster is priceless.
VictorM's advice: Lot's of people come out of college with major debt. By itself, that wouldn't be a good reason to avoid marriage, even if money is a big deal in a relationship. I would consider his work ethic, responsibility, and drive before I write him off. Did he just have bad luck? Was it a wild goose chase from the beginning? Did he learn anything? Does he have prospects to be able to pay it back? Does he have lousy money management skills?
There are legal concerns with a large debt. You should consult a lawyer about it. Loving him is all nice and good, but you have to make sure that the financial situation won't erode that love and make your life more of a hardship than it needs to be.
But if you decide to hold off on marrying him go through his apartment and take any valuables before the creditors do. Hey, love is one thing, but a good toaster is priceless.
Comments:
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Whoa whoa whoa gold-digger. If you love him, you'd marry him NO MATTER WHAT. Money really does buy this girl's love!
No, not a goldigger. If a guy is financially irresponeible...there is reason to worry because he could get the whole family in a ditch at some point. He should have a plan to get out and you should see the actions matching his words.
Good lord. I so feel for you. I was divorced last year from a man I truly, deeply loved. He was previously divorced and had two kids, who I also loved very much. My parents were so leery because he didn't have any money and had a TON of debt, but I had a good job and loved him loved him loved him, so I went for it. All along I went off about how you should get married for love, and money's not important (I was just like Baby, the previous commenter). Well guess what? Money's a hell of a lot more important than I realized. Our marriage was a disaster. He ruined me financially (I'm preparing to file for bankruptcy) and I ended up resenting him so much that our love couldn't overcome it. Granted, I allowed him to spend my money on his kids and his bills, something I will NEVER do again. But I thought that's what you did when you're in love, when you're married. It's just not.
I'm not saying don't go for it, not one bit. But heed VictorM's words: WHY is he broke? (And REALLY find out why before you get married; I thought my ex was a bad luck story when it turns out he just had no drive, no resources, no money management skills; a complete inability to deal with his money problems.)
The two things that most commonly break up a marriage are money and sex. I cannot stress to you how true this was in my situation (and the sex was good!). Give it some time. And if you do get together, KEEP EVERYTHING SEPARATE!!!! I will be paying off my ex's debts that are in my name for the next three years, a constant reminder of how important money can be in a realtionship.
Good luck!
I'm not saying don't go for it, not one bit. But heed VictorM's words: WHY is he broke? (And REALLY find out why before you get married; I thought my ex was a bad luck story when it turns out he just had no drive, no resources, no money management skills; a complete inability to deal with his money problems.)
The two things that most commonly break up a marriage are money and sex. I cannot stress to you how true this was in my situation (and the sex was good!). Give it some time. And if you do get together, KEEP EVERYTHING SEPARATE!!!! I will be paying off my ex's debts that are in my name for the next three years, a constant reminder of how important money can be in a realtionship.
Good luck!
Hi Amy,
I'm sure you have a brain to make money also. Why not spend your time making a lot of money also? Love is supposed to be greater than money you know.
Cheers,
Napoleon Will's blog
Feel free to email with questions or comments
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I'm sure you have a brain to make money also. Why not spend your time making a lot of money also? Love is supposed to be greater than money you know.
Cheers,
Napoleon Will's blog
Feel free to email with questions or comments
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Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
