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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

 

DATE FROM HELL: What's so civil about war

Pam, 37, from New Jersey, writes:

I met this guy for dinner after he answered a personal ad. We talked briefly on the phone and he was pleasant enough. Based on his information, he had lots of formal education, like a couple of Masters degrees.

When I first met him, I was pleased. He looked fine, was dressed nicely enough, and our introductions were fine. We sat down to dinner and after some pleasantries, we started talking about the American Civil War. I don't remember how we got on that topic, but I was impressed with his knowledge.

He explained some elements of the war that I had never understood. During the whole dinner there was just one topic: the freaking American Civil War! He used utensils, salt shaker, pepper shakers, and even the vegetables in his plate to demonstrate battle strategies. He told me he had thousands of miniature soldiers that he paints to color specifications, and has them arranged in his basement to represent some actual battle scenes. On the wall over his bed, he said, he had some genuine saber used by some guy whose name I don't really know or care to know.

This was the only topic all night. I never really said anything other than "oh," "really?" and, "I didn't know that." He just went on and on, sometimes making the server wait until he finished what he was saying.

Not only was this a date from hell, it was also the longest night of my life! I never saw him again, of course. When my friends asked me to go see the movie Cold Mountain I flatly refused. I probably would have vomited if I had gone.

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