ARGville

I’m traveling and will not have much time to answer questions so I’ve decided to hold off opening the New Questions form until around August 4.

Clueless:

-    One day when I didn’t get in a good project group for Civics he turned around and said “Sorry Zoe”
-    Caught him looking at me in L.A  class
-    We talk about music
-    Caught him looking at me in homeroom
-    One day we walked to two classes together
-    One day it seemed like when the bell rung he was trying to walk out with me but I didn’t because I was rushing
-    He lies to trade books
-    Once he saw me wearing he sily band he traded with me and he said “Didn’t I give you that one?” happily
-    When … Continue Reading

M. Oconnell, 31, in Ohio: I met this gentleman, we will call him John, about 2 months ago. We have had 2 dates so far and things are going great! He has told me he really does like me and I really do like him as well. However in a recent conversation, done by an online messenger service as we couldn’t talk on the phone (my phone was dead) he said and I quote
“I can be picky and you may just be the game.”

I didn’t get the chance to ask him what he meant as his computers battery was dieing … Continue Reading

Joyce, 27, in NY: There is a man I work with. We once had something going on but it didn’t last long and wasn’t that serious because he started seeing someone else. But in the meantime, I’ve been keeping my distance from him and keeping our conversations brief (rather, trying to keep my answers brief) because I really don’t want him asking me personal questions, which he seems to do a lot.

If I am going out to lunch, he’ll ask who I am going with. If my phone rings, he’ll ask who I am talking to. He asks always about … Continue Reading

A.B., 23, in PA, USA: I’ve been in a relationship with my guy for 7 years (going on to 8 in November) and have weathered many ups and downs and I feel that I’m 100% emotionally invested in him…yet the only thing that keeps this from being a perfect romance is that he is unemployed and unmotivated (I’ve tried for 5 years to encourage him to work, no luck at all) to find a job. He has OCD, after factoring that in and trying every suggestion under the sun I feel like I’m hitting a brick wall. I’m full time … Continue Reading

Question: I don’t know if this is a silly question…
If a guy is seeing a girl for a while, say 2 months, maybe a bit longer, and the two have been sexually… sexual… and then they wind up accidentally having a threesome with another girl, will the guy lose interest in the girl that he was seeing because she allowed this kind of activity too soon? I mean, is that too soon?

VictorM: Please write back and tell me how anyone can ACCIDENTALLY have a threesome because I’ve been looking all my adult life for that accident to happen, and it … Continue Reading

Megan, 18, in Nevada: What is up with guys wanting a quantity of girls to lay? I don’t understand it, can you please clarify why this is?

VictorM: It basically has to do with the survival of the species. While a woman can have about one child per year, men can father an unlimited number. And when the species needed to survive by multiplying, that distinction came into play quit substantially. And that’s the way it has been for a couple million years. The idea of zero population growth is fairly recent talk, probably in the latter part of the 20th … Continue Reading

grace, 37: hey victor… how long do you think it is appropriate to wait for sex? I only ask because I am in my sexual peak and I usually have long dry spells between relationships… I think that maybe I get physical sooner (usually between 3 to  10 dates)  because I basically going through the same things that 17 year old boys go through! I think that has a lot to do with why my relationships don’t last that long lately or I pick the wrong people… but by the time I connect with someone, i typically will have gone … Continue Reading

Karla, in Rhode Island: If a guy who had feelings for a girl doesn’t see her for several months, or about a year, and when he sees her again, suddenly shows her attention and makes an effort to talk to her, flirt with her, compliment her, etc. does that mean anything? Or could he just be messing with her?

VictorM: He could be messing with her, but that’s not likely. If he had feelings for her, even if he doesn’t have them now, chances are that he still thinks highly of her.

But there’s something else you need to consider: if the … Continue Reading

Jackie, 23, in San Diego CA: I have been dating this guy for almost 8 months and in the beginning we both agreed that we were just going to go with the flow. We didn’t want to be in a committed relationship. However, it got to the point where we were only seeing each other and dating no one else. So we were in a non titled type of relationship which got confusing but we worked thru it. As long as we’re playing by the same rules no one gets hurt right? Well eventually things got more complicated because I … Continue Reading

Linda, 26, in PA: Hi Victor,

What do you think about a guy who rarely keeps his word, and when he does it’s because he’s been constantly reminded/nagged and given no other choice? Basically when asked to do something whether it’s give the dog his meds/frontline or to go do something together fun and cheap/free he says “sure” but then when it comes to doing it he forgets or would rather go drink beer with his buds than follow through with what he said. If he does follow through he takes an extremely long time and it’s never on his own, … Continue Reading

leslie, 23, in los angeles: i recently slept with a guy friend. right before we were about to have sex for the first time he stopped me and told me he didn’t want to have sex with me because he wanted to be in a relationship and take things slow. we ended up having sex anyways that night, the next night and then like a week later. i called him 2 days ago and left him a message that i just wanted to see him and talk to him for a little bit and he has not responded in any … Continue Reading

Tina, 36, in RI: I have been seeing someone for a little over 10 months. When it started out we both didn’t want an exclusive relationship, but being the stupid woman I am I fell in love with him. This has been the best relationship i have ever had, he is affectionate, caring, giving, sex is amazing, etc. I have expressed my displeasure with being the number 1, not the only one, and he says he is not ready to commit. He doesn’t see why I would have a problem with him “banging some girl for 5 minutes”. I asked … Continue Reading

Lisa, 25, in New York: My boyfriend just told me two days ago that he wants to take a break. We have been together for 10 months. I am 25 and he is 23. This is his first and longest serious relationship. We have been together since Sept 2009. All throughout the winter and spring I would see him at least every other day. Then all of his friends graduated college and came home for good and now I am lucky if I see him once a week. And on the nights that he is with them he doesn’t even … Continue Reading

Crystal, 25, in Oklahoma: My guy just recently told me that 2 years ago he had a fling with this girl. I have asked him a hundred times over the 2 year period if he had slept with her and he told me no. So why would he wait until I stopped asking and pushing him about it to tell me? And why would he tell me at all when he had pretty much gotten away with it?

VictorM: I would guess that he thought that if he told you much earlier, before your relationship was on more solid ground and … Continue Reading

Kristie, 40, in Tampa: I will make this as short as I can, I met Steve 6 months ago, two weeks before my divorce was finalized. The relationship started out as a one night stand then just sex every now and then, but we have stayed in contact on a regular basis. He insisted that we stay friends, I have pushed him away the entire time. I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship being that I had just gotten a divorce, he agreed. Told me I should be out having fun.

Well here we are 6 months later and he … Continue Reading

Evette, 29, in Los Angeles: I need some clarification again…
I know that you told me before that guys conversing with people on social networking sites is “silly fantasy stuff” that people engage in to alleviate boredom, but I am feeling a bit hurt and need to know if I am overreacting to this situation.
My boyfriend was messaging a girl he doesn’t know on MySpace. Here is another B=Boy and G=girl conversation.
G: Thanks for the add XOXOXO
B: Nice to meet ya.
G: Awwww nice to meet you too babe. How was your weekend?
B: not bad u?
G: (she was talking about her injured … Continue Reading

Jen, 35, in Chicago: A guy I’m seeing and care a lot about talks about his ex fiancee quite a lot. However he talks about a lot of people from his past a lot. So over the last few months, I have gotten used to it and decided that he was just giving me background about who he is and his life experiences. Meanwhile, I think I have fallen for him. Then the other day he said he just went out to lunch with his ex (after the fact). My heart sunk when he told me this. He said that … Continue Reading

Annette, 35, in Atlanta: I dated a guy four years ago for about a year but I had to break up with him due to our lifestyle differences. We both felt that the chemistry was always there and after dating other people for two years we ended up back together. Now it’s been over year and a half since we started relationship again, initially I hoped we’d became more understanding of each other and work on our differences and compromise if we want the relationship work for us this time. We have wonderful time every time we are together. He’s … Continue Reading

Sarah, 31, in NC: I just recently went out on a date with a guy that had been in our circle of friends for about a month.  This was our first time out just the two of us.  I broke my rule of sleeping with someone on the first date.  Since we are in a circle of friends, we are all going out again on Saturday.  He texted me the night after the date to tell me again how much fun he had, but he hasn’t called.  Do you think that he will not take me seriously now that I … Continue Reading